Day in the Life

 "Hey Jack.  Did you hear about what's happening with Voting rights and who's being labeled as terrorists now?" 
"Yeah, nothing new, just catching em in 4k, real time nowadays." 
"What?"
"Look pimpin ask the Black Panther party about why they were labeled as terrorists.  Asks the Crips and the Bloods where their roots came from.  Ask any Queer person that experienced the 80's and 90's in rural America what their lives were like.  I'll wait til you com back.  Apologies in advance."
"...I'll ask my folks about it later, you think they know why Blank Panther was a terrorists?"
"Not Black Panther, THE Black Panthers.  I'm sure your folks have some opinions on the matter.  Just be careful and don't let 'em catch you slippin."
"Like the way you hide your limp when there's krackers about?"
"Hey, where'd you learn that word?"
"The other day when you were sitting behind the desk and that mean lady was yelling at you about a book.  After she left you said 'Fuckin krackers.'"
"You weren't supposed to hear that man.  What were you doing hiding in the stacks anyways?"
"Found a book on the bottom shelf and was reading on the floor." 
"Damn dude, you a little Ninja.  I didn't even know you'd come in."
"Well that kracker was yelling at you."
"Hey, hey bud we're not supposed to use that kind of language in the library.  It's disrespectful."
"You mean like when the red hat people called my dad a..."
"Whoa bud, another one of those words we don't use in the Library ya dig?"
"I got you."
"Aight, what are you after today?"
"I've got a school assignment about dinosaurs."
"Oh snaps.  Go check out 560 in the non fiction, if you need something more specific let me know I'll see what you tube has while you look."
"Hey...uh...Jack. Kracker alert." 
"Hey what I say?"
"Only use appropriate language. Look behind you."
"Hmmmm..."
"What's hmmm?" 
"Head over to the reference desk and tell them I need a break would ya please, and thank you."
"And thank you?"
"And thank you."
"Can I get my phone out."
"Yeah, but go tell the reference desk first."
"Aight."
"Excuse me, can I help you gents with something?  You need to be accompanied by a child to come in here." 

Eldest

 "So uh...Jack...heard you wanted to give hookers and gigolos labor rights and uh benefits?"
"Yeah, SWU 555 brother, is that a problem?"
"That's uh...not going to be popular with the conservative voters.  Or even some of the moderate voters." 
"Everyone agrees that it's the "oldest profession" right?" 
"I mean..."
"It's even in the Bible. I mean, Jesus washed their feet and everything."
"Yeah but..."
"The stereo type is the toothless hooker, track marks in their arm, out on the street corner giving blow jobs for $20 dollars to some business bro who's going to take dieses home to their wife and kid right?"
"That's just..."
 "I've read "the good book" cover to cover, multiple times, in different printings. And some, we'll call them, supplementary texts to be polite."
"But how..."
"Do you realize how much tax revenue that is?"
"You're going to tax them...?"
"I mean look at where marijuana has been legalized, billions of tax revenue poured into underfunded school and healthcare systems."
"That's different, that's medical..."
"Mental health and well being for the professional and their clients. I mean, all the bro dudes say 'you need to get laid, it'll help you feel better.' " 
"You don't understand..."
"Oh, I understand well enough. I understand that the same people that scream the loudest about Sex Workers are the same ones often found to be the most frequent use of such services."
"Not all..."
"Men, yeah I've heard that line before.   That's also the same men that treat these people as disposable.  Isn't the joke in movies often that there is a Dead Hooker in the trunk and they need to hide the body before someone finds out? Jokes come from somewhere.  And most of the human trafficking in the world is funded and often the focus of such...financial endeavors."
"Those are just..."
"Jokes, yeah, I know.  You know what big business does when they want to shut their competitors down?  Don't worry, I'll tell yeah.  They find a way to cut off their supply, to eat up their resources, and steal their customers."
"But that's...."
"Called harm reduction.  And arguably Sex Workers, if legalized could be trained as mental health professionals, require schooling, training, ethical considerations.  Lord knows those dudes on Wall Street need therapy and they already spend stupid amounts of money on "Dommie Mommies and other S&M fetishes."
"But how..."
"Through the department of health and human services, backed up by the labor department.  Giving those in the industry legal standing to speak out when there is legitimately an abusive or harmful situation and have legal backing to do it.  Isn't that how the Little St. James got started?  Why beauty pageant participants are taught to smile and be silent no matter what?" 
"Hey now..."
"Look, a spade is a spade man.  Can't get around that.  And last I checked the good books they all agreed that God was the final word and judgment on how you spend your life, not your fellow man.  And in the U.S. the constitution says, very explicitly, separation of Church and State.  So pick your poison there bud.  Either the government stays out of the issue and they get smart and start a Church where they're a tax free entity able to "Provide relief to the down trodden" for a small monthly donation of just $1000 dollars like televangelists and other less than reputable religious organizations and take in billions of untaxable income.  Or, the churches stay out of it and the government taxes them like any other industry and makes sure they abide by health and safety standards so Kyle can go home to Karen and the only thing Karen has to worry about is how much she's getting in the divorce settlement instead of having to get their kids tested for STD's because Kyle had been stepping out for years and either didn't know or didn't say he had any issues."
"You're a fuckin' asshole you know that?"
"An adorable one for certain.  And right or wrong it's still the oldest profession."
"So unionized Sex Work.  Unions or Guilds, doesn't much matter in the end as long as they adhere to the ethical standards of the rest of the Mental Health professionals out there."
"What's the difference between a Union and a Guild?"
"Not much at the end of the day.  On paper?  Unions represent large groups of people working on the same projects or for the same company.  Guilds are groups of independent professionals paying into a collective fund to help with legal and medical bills, or if they can't work making sure they have what they need to return to or transition to other work." 
"You're serious aren't you?"
"As a heart attack.  SWU and SWG of America."
"You're insane."
"Yeah.  Kind of have to be to have the level of Narcissism necessary to think I can convince people to do the right thing."
"You think legalizing and regulating sex work is the right thing?"
"Don't hate the player, hate the game.  Can't help that I'm good at it." 
"You're the devil."
"No, going back to the good book.  'the devil was jealous of the free will given to man and works to convince people that they have no choice in there lives.'  I'm just giving a choice.  Believe the devil that's trying to trick you, or trust the person showing you the choices the world has."
"Isn't there a third option?"
"Yeah, we're living it and frankly, I don't want to see another shipping container full of people cooked alive because they were being forced into an unregulated labor market." 
"That's disgusting."
"That's only the ones that made to port.  How many are at the bottom of the ocean?" 
"I..."
"Didn't think about that did you?  That's the problem with being me.  I know more than I'd like but less than I need to.  That's why I study every day and listen to people smarter than I am when I'm uncertain about things." 
"But I've heard you listening and arguing in good faith with people saying some really ignorant things." 
"Yeah, well, I haven't lived their life.  Even a broken clock is right twice a day." 
"Jesus..."
"Yeah, he'd agree with me.  At least that's what the 'Good Book' says."
"You're going to Hell you know that?"
"Not for me to judge, just to help. I'll find out if I make it to St. Peter, or Michael, or Uriel, or any of the other gatekeepers checking the VIP list.  But as with everything I do I'm willing to deal with the consequences if it means making sure people are taken care of and safe. Even if I don't agree with, or even like them.  Even if they don't agree with or like me."
"Did you know you're leg is tapping a million miles a minute?"
"Yeah, it's called redirecting the adrenaline so I stay calm, you should be more worried about when my leg stops shaking?"
"Why."
"Because that's when the adrenaline is under control and I'm ready to fight."
"You're leg just stopped shaking."
"Yep."

Damn it Mat

"....Um....Jack...you know you lost all of your trust rank by nuking your friends list in VRC right?"
"I lost trust by doing that?"
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Let me explain something to you once and slowly.  
They. Lost. MY trust.  Not the other way around." 
"But..."
"but fucking nothing. I was getting stalked and harrassed by someone on my "friends list" and I had no way to found who or how.  the fuck does it matter to me if I have a 'trust rank' when it seems to me all you have to have is a bunch of fucking goons exploiting th system?  Why would I give a fuck about my standing in a community I can't trust?   It's like telling me I should care about what a bunch of racists and biggots think. Because that's exactly what was going on and they, like every other motherfucker that thinks they can intimidate me into silence is going to learn the hard fucking way that's not the case."
"But you don't know who was doing it."
"Doesn't matter, it's the fact that they're advertising to kids but letting the level of trolling and harassment to happen on their platform.  That's why I don't play Tarkov or Ark, because I'm not going to let cruel people use me as a punching bag for their torture fantasies."
"You know not everyone was doing that."
"Not all men dude, not all men."
"...."
"yeah, that's what the fuck I thought.  This bullshit has been going on in the gaming community for too fucking long and I'm fucking tired of it.  I'm not playing along with the bullshit, I've already proven time and time again that I have more skill and knowledge in the gaming space than they do by playing by the rules.  And the fact that they can't keep up without cheating, exploiting, or abusing the systems alraedy in place shows me that either devs are inept or the community not a space for children."
"Well, some people would argue that's the case because Furries and Queer people are on the platform." 
"Bro, Furries and Queer people are the only ones trying to make that a safe space for kids.  Because they've lived the abuse, but the thing is, the very abusers trying to bully people off of the platform are the same ones that villianise those communities for even existing.  It takes all of the time and energy for  Queer, I'm using that as blanket term for the LGBTQIA+ and furry communities to protect themslevs from that kind of shit. Do You know the reason I started cosplaying and going to conventions?" 
"Because you like hot girls in skimpy outfits?" 
"Becuase young people trying to express their love for fandoms and nerd stuff were being harassed  and attacked outside of the conventions and abused physically and sexually when those "good christians" thought they wouldn't be held accountable for those abuses."
"But you had fun right?"
"When I'd forget who I was, sure.   When I was able to loose myself in the art and joy of the exprience.  but no  every time I set foot in a convention hall or space with large groups of people I'm looking for the bombs.  Literally and figurativly.  My imagination, as you may have come to discover reading this and the other thigns I've written that I visualize in minute detail.  I see where the bombs would be placed to do maximum damage and I check them.  I see where an amature, who thinks they're going to do damage would place one, and I check them.  Because in my minds eye I see the effects done to the crowd. I'm constantly scanning hands and sillouttes for weapons.   I can't, not.  That's what 20 years of war in Afghanastan did to me."
"But you didn't serve, you never went over seas."
"Exactly.  What the fuck do you think I've been doing state side all these years?  Tell me what the fuck my job was at the airports."
"Oh..."
"Yeah.  Oh."
"So, what are you going to do with VRC?" 
"My job."
"What's the mean?"
"I give the devs and the community a chance to prove me wrong.   If they don't, I take my buisness elswhere.  I was interviewing them, not the other way around." 
"Interviewing them for what?"  
"As a place for the Role Playing Guild to call home.  I've looked at all the other platforms and found them lacking and if/when I end up in office I'm going to have to pass that torch and I want to make sure it's in good hands before I do and it's going to be a platform where everyone feels welcome and abuse not tolorated."
"You can't make everyone feel welcome, that's not possible." 
"No shit sherlock. Pretty sure I've been clear about where I draw that line and why I have to find people willing to do what I did in the physical world but in the digital one.  I've been nothing but clear about any of that." 
"So what is the plan then?"
"Same as it's always been.  Offer a supurior product, pay the workers what they're actually worth, not what some fucking investor trying to make their bottom line look better thinks they're worth.   I'm going to Unionize the platform.  I'm going to give every dev, programmer, Q.A. Tester, and moderator something the suits have been trying to avoid giving them since the gaming community emerged. I'm just missing 2 things. A union rep and a name.  Thought I"m thinnking "Digital Workers Guild"  or the "DWG"  and petition to have them adopted as a branch(s) of their hollywood counter parts. I've been carrying the contract for that around in my backpack since 2015 in preperation for making sure I stayed to the letter on the emulments clause.  Be it for 10 or 10 million people, I was going to make sure they ended up with pay and benefits equal to that of any other profession." 
"What's the catch?" 
"The catch?"
"Why are you finding it so difficult to find a platform create such a Union and/or guild?" 
"They have to accept the porn stars and strippers along with Ms. Rachel and Steve." 
"yeah that ain't happening."
"Says the corporate shill." 
"Strippers are dancers.  Everyone agrees on that point."
"And porn stars?"
"Stunt performers if I've ever seen one.  Body on the line, peak physical prowess in thier...endevours." 
"Okay....let's say I'm willing to listen to this argument. Why 'Guild' instead of 'Union' ?  
"Because if the independant contractors aren't represented and protected then no one is." 
"That's...actually a good point." 
"Yep  that's why I fucking hate Mat Mercer."
"Wait, you hate Mat Mercer?"
"Well, more like jelous because he stole thunder." 
"What thunder, you don't even run int he same circles." 
"Yeah, but...yeah but....yeah but... by hosting games with actors and voice actors that dickhead created the precident I needed to make all this work.  Like the mathmatical proof of a physics model."
"And you're jelous of that?" 
"Yeah, I wanted to do that. And every time I hear someone bring up Critical Role I just want to kick a baby."
"Don't kick the baby." 
"I know, it's just a figure of speech." 
"I was agree.....you know what, never mind."
"Oh...sorry, having to figure out how to negotiate with economic terrorists that gaslight the shit out of everyone makes me forget that folks may actually be speaking in good faith and down shifting the gears isn't an immediate thing." 
"Economic terroists?" 
"Billionairs."
"But not all....you know what? .I hear it now."
"Exactly." 
"You might have to be the Uniion rep to bargain on their behalf." 
"Fuck."
"You're good at it and everyone sees it."
"Fuck."
"You've already drawn up the paperwork for pay and compensation standards."
"Fuck."
"You've demonstrated time and time again across every project and platform you've worked on that the model works and that you'll protect artists and profesionals even if you don't like their work."
"Fuck." 
"You plan on using the settlments to pay everyone that's worked on the project for free their fair wage."
"Fuck."
"When there's trouble you call D.W." 
"I still need paid myself."
"Just collect Union Dues, there's already a book keeping firm down the road that can handle the accounts and pay roll."
"I'm not going to use Union dues to enrich myself, besides, you know my phiosophy. I don't get paid until they get paid." 
"So what are you waiting for?" 
"The Devs to make an apppointment and come to the table in good faith so we can create the precident the industry needs."
"How do you know if they got the message and are ready to negotiate?
 either when my rank hits trusted by their account over ride or they knock on my door. Pretty sure they know how to find me." 
"So what do you expect out of it then, your pay?"
"already told ya man. $20.05 million, after taxes. and I'v already laid out what I plan to do with it.  To the penny.  I just need to be in a position where I can negotate from a position of "Fuck you." and relocate after."
"You already operate from a postion of 'Fuck you."'
"Oh yeah...well...I'd like my bank account to reflect that instead of having to question my sanity all the time." 
"Let's say the Devs agree to terms and you get your pay out, what's the missing piece to the puzzle that prevents you from pulling the trigger on the deal?" 
"Because, the rest of the guild needs to be paid what I am when the dust settles.  We make that happen and I'll sign the paperwork."
"Which guild?" 
"DBRPG, the players that have sat around my table over the past 30 or so years.  My friends thought I abanond them to become a shill, a narc, a rat depending on who you talk to.  when the reality is I took the message of SLC punk to heart and ingrained the old saying into my every action." 
"What's that?" 
"With great power, comes great responsibility.   Now if you'll excuse me a player has a question and I try not to leave them waiting when we've got a campaign underway." 

Rock out with your Chickens

 "How's fishing going tonight Jack?"
"Ehh, quiet. I start later and people are usually drawn to the more busy instances. But that's alright.  I was able to finalize the world design for how I want to host D&D games.  Now I just need to sketch it out."
"Wait...you finished the design but haven't sketched it yet?"
"Yeah.  Visualization, memorization, then paper and pencil/keyboard.  Doesn't everyone build things in their mind to the tiniest detail then put it to paper."
"Not usually, no." 
"oh...well...yeah.  I kind of had to adapt to that style after..."
"You don't have to talk about it anymore, I think folks know." 
"Cool." 
"You okay?"
"Mostly, just a matter of shaking the money trees now."
"You figure out how to make the money back?"
"So what are you doing sitting there by yourself then?"
"office hours, updating the group page, planning the next session, listening to homework." 
"And after?" 
"Probably go fishing in other instances and listen to the wind, play some music if I catch trolls trying to content farm people." 
"How does that keep them from content farming?"
"Licensed music playing the background get's their streams flagged for copyright violations and their clips unusable on youtube and twitch." 
"What bout you, isn't that a TOS's breach?"
"Na man, I'm not monetizing, streaming, or using it for advertising purposes just listening to it and jamming with folks close by.   Library Rules man."
"Library Rules?"
"Free Use and Personal Use, using music to protect myself and those around me. Like wearing headphones in public, in my car, or on my boat."
"You're a slippery Bitch you know that?"
"Just following the rules when other's don't."

Excelsior

 You know. 
I realize that not a lot of people out there really understand what this blog is/about.  
It's called 
Jack's Dialogical self right?  
Based around the "Dialogical Self" Theory in psychology.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialogical_self

In short it is reflection of the multitude of experiences and relationships a person has had in life that shapes them into the person that the world sees and interacts with.  

So...some of the stuff you may read from this blog you might find triggering. 
Apologies for that. 
This blog is my unedited thoughts. 
Sometimes corrected for spelling or clarification, but still stream of conciseness.  Because, yes, I do type that fast if I  don't stop to think about it. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stream_of_consciousness

Just understand, that the "Me" that was shaped by a lot of the derogatory words or phrases used here is of the people that surrounded me in my developmental years, or imitations of people that I still hear talking like that.  New slang, new words.  But it's all the same hateful bullshit. 

As for myself, the core self.  
I'm a god damn Marshmallow. 
But just because I'm soft, full of sugar, and palatable doesn't mean I'm not dangerous if you light me on fire. 
But if you roast me just right I'm the core ingredient to a 'smores. 
 
A lot of that vitriol that bubbles to the surface in the writing is so that I can get it out somewhere instead of having the say the words myself.  

Believe you, me.  
A lot of that stuff, when I was younger, I was ignorant to the damage they carried. 
I never understood why my black and brown friends only ever came over to hang out once when I was a child and would often not be my friends after. 

So when you see me use words that would likely get censored on broadcast television.  Here, or when doing an accent out in the world. Understand that it is imitation not my feelings. And they pain they cause to others hurts me often, more in the saying or writing than it does to a person that would feel attacked by them. 

I support transitioning and queer rights. 
Because they're human rights. 
Simple as that.  
It's why I smoothed my accent out and use words like Soda instead of Pop even though that's what everyone else I grew up around calls it. Because I had to loose the accent to get rid of the hurtful dialogue.  Almost to the point that my accent only comes out when I force it, even though, in my head I still sound like an old cowboy.  

Fun Fact : Cowboy, back in the day, referred specifically to non white cattle men. If you were you white you were a Cowhand.  Hollywood tried really hard in the 50's and 60's to erase that history.  Like a less obvious version of black face. 
I'm not saying Westerns or Western styled shows and movies are racist as a whole.  I love some, Like the Magnificent 7. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404435/ 

Which is a remake of an older movie of the same name

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magnificent_Seven

 based on the Kurosawa film Seven Samurai. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Samurai

Yes, I've seen all of them multiple times.

Here, I just don't usually site the sources because, this blog is my inner monologue. 
My inner self. 
and I don't typically memorize web addresses...anymore...often...
Okay, maybe I do because back in the day you had to.  No bookmarks, no quick links, no ai assisted search results.  
either you new the addresses or you knew how to utilize the search engines to do what AI does now.  
Yeah, back in the 90s to get decent results you had to understand the web code in the search engines to get good results.  
Otherwise you'd just get back random stuff that contained the words you put in the search bar. 
Which...is...actually kind of where the AI is/was not even a few months ago. 
That's why I never use it for searches or results, I read it but scroll past it to find the sources. 
That's why Librarians,  Reference and Research are still the best sources. 
 Because they're literally trained to sort through the bullshit and find the truth in the data. 
The master of media literacy. 

Reference and Research
R&R get it?
:)

As in R&R investigations. 
Originally Rachel and Robert Investigations.
Rebranded in later years to be R&R,  as in Rest and  Relaxation.  
Because I often work pro bono for non profits and human rights organizations which means having to do a 9-5 to pay my bills so when I would take vacation or sick days at the 9-5.  It was more often than not to work on a case. 
Hell, I don't even think I know what a day off really looks like since I've had so few of them over the years. 
Never had an actual vacation. 
 When I was younger my vacations were either working on a farm, in a garden, or replacing sewer lines.  As I got older...well...you'd have to ask other people from the firm and/or the people who've I've helped.  


So you ask why I'm going after such big fish. 
Why I'm not afraid to take on people that aren't used to having their wrong doing brought to light. 
Often believe that it will never happen and that they've gotten away with abuses and atrocities. 
It's because there's a whole lot of otters, bears, and ... I don't know what the Lesbian equivalencies would be, I should ask some of my friends because I never pried that deeply into their personal lives other than to give my opinions on their their choice of partner, if they asked.
Damn it, lost the clever line because of that. 
Anyways. 
It's because I've got a lot of mouths to feed and I don't like seeing food go to waste. 

Outside of that I just like telling a good story, and the best stories are laced with the deepest truths. 
Just know, the MCU is safe, regardless of what the suits say. 
Because, in the contract, if it doesn't finish all rights revert back to Marvel, and everything that the companies distributing under those rights reverts back the R&R.  

So the question is kids: Do you want to see the ending I wrote or shut it down and watch the companies collapse as their coffers are emptied into mine?  
Personally.  
I want to see the end of the MCU. 
Hell it's still on schedule, and from the box office numbers, still operating under budget.
That's funny thing though, the trick of trade.
Why I'm a clever little cat.  
Because the House of Mouse is just renting my castle and under their roof or mine it'll get finished.

So spoiler alert.  
To all the haters saying "they're running out of ideas"  "They're just doing cash grabs"  "It's turned into woke DEI bullshit" or any of the other negativity out there that surrounds, especially the more current projects.  Know that every single one of them were in the outline from the start.  
Even factoring in the Losses of people like Chadwick Boseman.  

...Hold on...need to stop crying so I can continue...

I wrote the ending first and worked backward allowing the creative freedom for the folks doing the work on the ground to be able to weave their own stories and experiences into it. 
And honestly, the MCU was never created to make money. 

It was created to be a school.  

To offer a space where young actors and behind the scenes magicians to learn where they wouldn't have to deal with the Weinstein's and the Diddy's just to get their art out there. Where they could work side by side with the best of the best and, as in the current 'phase', the middle of the story, take the reigns and see what they do with it. 

I made a comment when Wonder Man came out (yep, even that was planned) about how I was disappointed with some of the recent projects.  
I was, specifically referring to the opening of Secret Invasion. Where AI assets were left in the opening credits.  Because AI to me is the equivalent of a mood board or Pinterest page.  
After the whole purpose of the MCU is for artists to be able to art, actors to be able act. 

I think my original quote, the argument I made to get the best of the best on board to, to accept in the Hollywood world equivalent of a teacher's salary compared to their usual CEO level wages was a simple piece of advice.  

"You're making the incredible Mr. Limpet.  A blend of animation and live action.  So have fun with it.  don't take it to seriously, keep the young ones safe. After all, if we are successful we'll be creating the next Beowulf. A tale that will be told and retold for generations.  If we aren't then we'll have some fun projects to put on our resumes and move on with our lives." 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredible_Mr._Limpet

I can't help it that a bunch of crusty old white dudes that didn't or don't understand the assignment want to shut it down because it's "not profitable enough".  
You here people saying " A Marvel movie has to make twice it's budget back to be considered successful"
Which is kind of true but not. 
 Because the success of one project needs to cover the costs of the next. 
Simple as that. 
But, we're so far in now that the remaining movies could make zero dollars and the rest could still, conceivably come in under budget for the project as a whole. 
It blows my mind that things have gotten this far when at most I was expecting a no from the initial offers. 
That's why the suites always back down and the lawyers fume as they fail to find a loop hole.  

That Doomsday is just around the corner and Secret Wars....well...spoilers.

So keep looking up True Believers...fucking tears...
To Quote Stan 

"Bigotry and racism... can't be halted with a punch in the snoot... The only way to destroy them is to expose them"

https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/10303.Stan_Lee

~~~
"Jack, some people say you can tell the future with your predictions what do you say to that?" 
"I can't tell the future.  But I can tell a good story from time to time and stories are just a reflection of the people around the story teller. It just seems like magic because not everyone sees in the mirror what the rest of the world sees in them."
~~~~

Stay safe out there.

Higher than a giraffes ass.

I had this really clever line planned for opening this post.  
But it's hard to remember and focus on what I want to say when I'm constantly in pain. 
I do my stretches.  I do my excercises, I try to sit still.  
I can take asprin or ibuprofen.  
But only so much if I want to keep my stomach liner and liver.
I try to read. 
Try to distract myself. 
But at the end of the day it's like an electric shock to the brain and it over writes everything I was trying to say. 
It's kind of funny when you think about it. 
Most people, when they smoke a little pot get less focused.  
Where as when I smoke, I become more focused.  
The pain less.
Not gone.  
Manageable. 

The clever lines and cohesive stories flow without interruption.
Sure. 
I might go off on long winded tangents into something that may be completely irrelevant, maybe trail off if the thought isn't fully formed or incomplete but it doesn't take long to find the path again, to follow the story thread to it's conclusion. 

But with the pain?
My voice will sound mean as I grit my teeth through it. 
The thoughts gone as the storm passes through my body and I struggle to pick up where I left off. 
Like a smack in the face. 

I'm going to need to go to the dentist soon. 
or get a mouth piece again.  
Or both. 
Because gritting my teeth over the past few months has worn them back down again. 

I've been able to get some of the D&D stuff down and posted so the players can have a firmer sense of what's going on in the larger world around them. 
But, like with this little post, when I sat down to write it. 
After composing most of it while stretching eating breakfast just blipped.  
Fragmented as the pain hit. 
Lost as I sat down and realized the composition was gone. 
So instead I just let my fingers dance over the keyboard in the flow of thoughts that is becoming this post. 
That's why it's a little easier when trying to write session recaps and things.
 Because every time I look at the character sheets, or here the players voices talking excitedly about what happen last session, or what their goals are, or even just shooting the shit and checking in with each other to make sure everyone is okay helps hold on to the story to the other of the storms. 
But actually sitting down to write them is difficult with everything else that comes along with pain. 
The memories that trigger the muscle memmory, that trigger the feelings of those moments, and back to the guilt of still being alive.  
But even with that I've been finding it easier to at least hold on to myself and not let the pain push me into snapping.  
With all of the people and distractions and everything else taking place I've only had one moment that I wasn't able to keep my compsure while teaching, and god damn if the people around me didn't step in to give me a moment come back to myself. 
That, I think, is more of a miracle in my mind than any ....
Shit...there it is again. 
The hiccup, the pain, the interruption. 
But instead of struggling back to where I lost the thought I'm moving forward.  
It's all I can do, all things considered.  
So what do I really want for my birthday? 
Flowers for my pipe, friends to tell stories with, and the ability to come and go as I please. 
So far I've got 1 on that last. 
The other two are limited by resources and responsibility. 
I know, that if I get that Job. 
If I get stuck in that office. 
If I have to look at my friends and tell them they've lost loved ones, or they are the loved ones lost, that I won't be able to sit and smoke my pipe all day.   
Hell, my lungs wouldn't be able to take it 
and there's no buts to that. 
Just is. 

So, smoke 'em if you got em. 
I'll save mine for scotch in cigars if I get saddled with the responsibility. 
And trust my friends to tell me when it's safe. 
Outside of that, all I can do is keep going, keep telling stories, teaching those that listen, and learning from those that teach. 

Stay Safe

Edit : 
Was talking about Warhammer with some folks. 
About how much the armies cost in money and time to be able to play "as intended".  
And a young dude goes "So it was pay to win even then?"
It didn't occur to me to give a proper answer until I woke up. 

Through all of  history, everything has been pay to win.  
It's just a matter of if you're paying in time, resources, or sanity. Often times a combination of the three. 
See. 
Clever. 
But fragmented. 
I prefer to be able to write the composition down all at once, undistracted. 

Anyways....
Something, something, dark side.  
Back to work. 

The Rogue Librarian

"I do a job. I get paid. I go home." 
Simple as that. 

"Where's the rest of the Money coming from Jack?"
"The Bank."
"Taking out loans are you, aren't you still sitting on Credit Card debt?"
"mmmhmmm.   Let's talk about that.  You remember the Housing Crisis of 2008?   How the banks were giving out loans they knew people couldn't pay back, at interests rates that loan sharks and fast cash shops wishes they could away with?"
"Uhhh, the rates weren't that high?"
"Weren't they though?  Didn't people loose their homes, their jobs, their lively hoods because of it?   At least when you don't pay a loan shark they just break your finger or you knee and call it a day.   Not only did they cause the crash, get bailed out by the American tax payer, they financed invest firms to buy up the housing stock after and ridiculously low rates because they knew they were the only ones that could afford it, then slowly increased the rent and everything else because of "added value" 
"That's just business." 
"That's fucking people over 3 times with the same dildo and not even cleaning it off between."
"Gross."
"No shit." 
"So...okay...you didn't have a housing loan, why the credit cards."
"When I signed up for it, not because I needed it but because that was the only way to "build credit" in order to access other services, like personal loans, car loans, and home loans." 
"Right, that's how credit cards work." 
"Indeed, however, With Bank of America specifically, I opened the account under those terms.  Because I only used it for travel and emergencies and always paid on time, they increased the credit limit.  I didn't ask for it, they just did it.  Now, I let this ride, because I was like, okay...seems sus, but maybe that's just a reflection of a good payment history."
"Yeah, that's how it works."
"No, it's not.  They, the bank, increase your limit it prevents from utilizing that credit limit in other capacities.  Then, if you want to close the account, because that's the only option at that point.  Close the account and open another one, your credit report gets hit and you have to, not start over, but earn back the standing they took from you."
"Uhhh...that's?...what?"
"Exactly how it works.
  "Now with Bank of America they started closing physical locations.  Because, you know, having locations and people working at them costs money.  And why spend money on loan officers and financial consultants that will educate your customer base and help them navigate the complexities of finance when you can just have an automated call line that will frustrate them into giving up and taking the loss on the chin?" 
"Except I didn't take it on the chin.  I went to their headquarters to demand the arbitration that was in the contract for the credit line. To negotiate for relocation costs so that I could move when I I found a job.  They told me they no longer offered those services, when that was the whole reason I had agreed to the credit line to begin with, and then chased me out of the headquarters because they...well...that would be acknowledging there was a problem if they actually talked to me. But they didn't."
"Well you did show up unannounced."
"So did the removal of physical locations, removal of services, and increase of credit history.   Fair is Fair."  
"What about the Chase Card, you've got more on that then the BoA card."
"That's business.  To Chases credit, when I explained what was going on they froze the account at my request until I could sort the bullshit with Bank of America.  Which has been a continuous game of tag since then.  They, Bank of America, sent it to collections without the arbitration and it's been one collections agency after another bouncing that debt down the road every time I pull the receipts.  Because they know, as well as I do, that they have no legal claim over that debt and that they're just acting as that automated line, trying to frustrate me into capitulating and just paying it out of hand."
"Seems like a petty amount to piss and moan over when you negotiate million dollar contracts and billion dollar deals for fun." 
"It's the principle of the matter."
"So what, Chase is just giving you an interest free pass on that account."
"No, they're waiting for the settlement to come through."
"Seems like a gamble on their part."
"Banks don't gamble.  Banks are the house and the house always wins."
"And the Walmart account?"
"You mean the, I was starving and on the street and need groceries and when they refused to act on the Fraud tip I told them about?  I'll get to that after I deal with Bank of America." 
"And how much do you think they owe you then?" 
"Me?  $20.05 Million after tax.  They can calculate the tax obligation on that, I've done enough free math for them already." 
"Wait, I thought that was supposed to come from all the Trillion and Billionairs you're rummaging the pockets of." 
"They don't have enough Cash Assets to cover that. Are you kidding me?  Fucking having a yard sale of their shit just to come up with half of it at best.  Did you think I was going to start this VRC project without a plan to come up with the missing funds.  Honey, I write the Endgame before I even make the first move."
"And Chase is going along with this why?"  
"Because they're going to get paid and the Bank of America settlement is going to run through their system. And so far in this whole mess, the only institution that's held up their end of the bargain every step of the way concerning my contracts."
"All this over Three Grand?" 
"Slings and Arrows my friend.  $3k may not seem like a lot from someone negotiating from my position but for others that's the difference between life and death. Medication and a diabetic coma."
"So you're going to shut down Bank of America and do what?  What about all those people going out of work?"
"Didn't I tell you my plan for the Post Office and what they were before the Banks lobbied them to the brink of extinction?"
"You're serious aren't you?"
"Deadly, Bank of America isn't going to be a finger in peoples eyes anymore.  It's going to be the actual Bank of Ameria and anyone above the rank of Loan officer is going to have to ride their golden parachutes out the window."
"So they get away even though the Bank closes."
"Doesn't close, just goes under new management.  And they better enjoy the float because they're parachutes are dropping them into the Den of Lions that Sandra trained." 

"Holy shit..."
"Like I said.  I play the long game, because that's what they play." 
"Still not enough money for the project."
"Most of it."
"The rest?"
 "Well, that comes from the community and the companies that want to be in on the project. We have the market place, they sell on it, we take 15% off the top and reinvest it into the community. Lower rate than what most other market places take, and that 15% goes into paying people to protect IPs and keep the community safe." 
"And you think a bunch of Furries, programmers, artists, and Indi devs are going to back this play and help you get the project done in under a year?"
"2 years if there's hiccups, but yeah."
"What do they get out of it.  Paid, work in their chosen fields, knowing their art will be protected on the platform and misuses handled accordingly.  Oh, and the 4nd case." 
"Wait...4th case?"
"The student loan companies. 
 Biggest thing that holds any artist or college grad back from following their passions, loans for degrees they were convinced to get for jobs that didn't exist after they got them, or if they did, paid so little it didn't cover the costs of the education that was required to get them."
"What were the other two."
"Well, one's closed but I didn't take the credit for it because all I did was outline the plan." 
"The other?"
"Still under investigation.  But, have you visited the library yet?  I wouldn't recommend it, it'll leave stain on your soul you won't be able to get rid of.  But if you need to for work, or are just that morbidly curious, or a survivor looking for closure, it's there." 
"You okay?"
"No, but getting better." 
"I hear you."
"Yep, so, instead of the People bailing out the banks, the banks will be bailing out the people.  Fair is fair." 
"Why not put the screws to all of the banks?"
"Doing that would collapse the system, and I'm giving the rest the chance to, shape up so to speak." 
"Elliot Ness huh?"
"Yeah, but not a Fed.  An independent researcher and consultant.  Which is what it takes to be Elliot Ness in today's world if you want people to trust I'm not doing this out of greed or to fuck them over." 

https://youtu.be/omfz62qu_Bc