So last year I did something I had never done before.
I forced myself to get involved in an online community.
Not a group message.
Not a game that I jumped in to play with co-workers or people that I knew in real life to be a part of a social circle because in person interactions are so much work for me.
But an actual community.
I've played Destiny 2 since launch.
I played Destiny 1 since the start of the game.
But it was very much a solo experience for me.
I had a couple of people that would join me to run missions from time to time, or I them.
There were other online games I would join people for but I always ran into the same problem.
I'm not super social.
Never have been.
I always thought there was something off about me but couldn't put my finger on it.
Not until I was 36 and found out, figured out, was diagnosed with....well that I am autistic.
And a lot of things, experiences, and difficulties I've had over the years all started to make sense.
But I heard a Ted talk, had an idea, I'm not really certain how you would explain it but it was very much what was talked about in here.
Stuart Duncan: Why do we need safe virtual play spaces?
https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1079924726
And I decided, I'm going to join a group in a game and I'm going to learn how to do things in Destiny that people do.
I'm going to be honest about who I am, which took a lot of work in accepting it on my part.
I would maintain boundaries.
I wouldn't put up with the usual derogatory commentary, bullying activities, and elitist snobbery that is so prevalent in any community that surrounds organized activities like sports and games, physical or virtual.
I'm still digesting the last years experience and will be putting a more concise summary of how it's gone and what I've learned together in a thesis covering virtual learning and exploration but, as with this, and the various people I've come to chat with I need to word vomit to get my thoughts in order.
On the destiny front let's say, I've learned a lot and have actually made some friends.
Yeah, that last bit surprises me too.
Largely because of an experience, that I've had a multitude of times over the past few years, that happened over the past few days I find myself in the middle of this word vomit trying to get my thoughts together.
I picked up a new game, a multiplayer game.
The Division 2.
It had been recommended to me a number of times by people I played Destiny with, they just warned it hadn't had much in the way of content updates over the years it's been out.
I had largely avoided it because it was a game that required a significant amount of time to learn, level, and get into the late game content.
There was a lot of leveling up and learning the ins and outs of gear management.
A DLC pack that would fast track me to end game but I've never done that for games I'm learning because. I feel like fast tracking in leveling and things doesn't allow me, as a player, to really learn the ins and outs of the game mechanics. Also, by leveling organically through game play skills are acquired and unlocked individually rather than just thrown down all at once.
Fast tracking can be Great for a player that's already made and leveled a character or two and knows and understand the mechanics and rules of the game. But for a new player...not so much.
The moment I meet other players I'm immediately asked
"Why didn't you just go strait to level 30?"
"Well I don't have the DLC"
"Oh, well, we can just go here and you'll be to 30 really quick"
"I'm still working on the story content"
"Oh, well we're going to to go do this really hard end game content instead."
"That's cool, because you guys just being here is getting me killed anyway."
See, the thing about this game, in particular, is when all of these end game players join all of the enemies became end game level.
Sure I got an artificial boost in health and damage to compensate as the low level player, but I was still working with starting gear and skills. I couldn't be left alone because even a single enemy was deadly regardless of my skills as a player.
So three end game guys join in on my session.
One is just like "put a marker somewhere and I'll help you get there."
So he sets off to the marker I placed and the other two start an event near by.
I get caught in the event and stick with them because...well if I didn't I was dead.
The first player heads off to the checkpoint I had placed.
I think the event is passed and start heading towards the check point and, not realizing I was by myself am immediately killed.
The other two had continued the event (that I had thought was over because I had only done one other before).
The above conversation was taking place while all this happened.
So for the next two days I knuckle down, work on getting leveled as fast as I can and start building a gear set that fits my play style and will allow me to survive high level and end game content until I start getting the oh so coveted pieces of super powerful gear and can start bumping up difficulties and the like.
The moment I get to the point of being able to handle things and am working on the last district in the base game a friend says "here, grab the dlc, and when you finish this stuff you we can start the harder stuff."
"Rad" I do that.
I'm then barraged by someone about "not being social enough, making them feel left out by being quite in the chat, and telling them that they make the game harder by joining in. That me taking the time to explore the game and learn how to play ruins it for everyone else.
They don't let me clarify myself and just keep yelling and talking over me.
At that moment I realize,
Oh yeah, I have boundaries.
"And I'm like...alright, cool. Have a nice night"
Leave the chat and close the game.
Now I'm asking myself
"Why don't I just stick to single player games'
While simultaneously trying to prove... my point?... to people that have no concept of what my life is like.
I don't know dude.
I deal with facts and figures and logic.
Emotions, often, are just beyond me.
Even my own a lot of days.
