Midnight

 We're nearing the end of 2021.  

Three years.  
That was the original projections. 

As 2015 neared it's end I felt like chicken little screaming that the sky was falling. 
As 2016 ended I struggled to come to grips with all of it while those around me tried to convince me that I was over analyzing and loosing my mind. 
At the end of 2017 I found myself realizing that the sky had not fallen yet but it was starting to rain.  
Towards the end of 2018 I found my mind again and pulled things back together. 
As 2019 ended I found myself in a strange limbo and trying to end battles while trying to avoid creating new ones. 

As 2020 ended I was being proven right.
Now as we look at the end of 2021 my immediate world finds it's self stabilizing while the more nebulous and existential aspects of the world we live in are still in a state of flux. 
An entire world going through a shared grieving process.  Reflecting on what was and how it has shaped the world we are in. 
Morning the world that could have been while struggling to see the world as it was. 
Trying to imagine what the world could be. 

2020...The year of Denial.  
Many didn't believe, or want to believe what was happening.  
"How could a global pandemic sneak up on us like this."
"It will be over in a few weeks....a few months." 

2021... The year of Anger. 
So many pushing back against the realities and how they came to be.  
So many refusing the simple, but effective, panaceas crafted when a world decides to focus, together, on a singular issue. 


2022...Hopefully...the year of Acceptance. 
As we slowly come to grips with the reality of what has happened we have to truly watch out for those that care for us.  
I feel so greatly for those in the medical field right now because as we enter the third year of this Pandemic, hopefully the year we truly get it under control, their work will be the hardest.  
They've been in the forefront of the trenches this entire time. 
As the rest of the world ebbs and flows between outbreaks and surges, enjoying respites and breaks and the ability to get out and breath the medical community has had no such luxury. 

the early deaths, in the 2020 could be taken in stride, "this is an emergency, we need to roll up our sleeves and get to work and we will get to the other side" being the mentality through out. 

The deaths of 2021 taken with a grain of salt. "We have the vaccines, even though some fight against simple safety measures, there is an end in sight." 

But the deaths of 2022 will take the greatest toll.  
Will hit the hardest.  Will break through professionalism  and the pushing drum beat like rhythms of seeing the end of a long road.  
Because the deaths of 2022 are the ones that could have been avoided.  
I'm not saying that vaccines and masks were a magic bullet to stop it all in it's tracks. 
What I"m saying is that as the hospitals fill, again.  As the winter months take their yearly tolls of injury and illness as is it's want for time near immemorial those struggling to save lives will see so many lost because of simple refusal.  
Refusal of facts.  
Refusal of those they viewed as trusted voices lead them astray. 
Refusal to care for themselves. 

This time, this year, was coming. 
It's as unavoidable as the wind. 
And these are the hardest to deal with, the hardest to keep trying for. 
The  ones that leave the harshest and most bitter memories in those trying to care for others.
Because they tried and they warned and they counseled. 
But the ones that refused to listen will be the ones lying in the  screaming their defiance into the faces of those trying to help them. 
And those, struggling to ask for help that did all the right things will be lost in the sound of those screams.  
The ones that could have been saved.  The ones that should have been saved. And...the ones that are begging to be saved even though they refused to pull themselves up when the water hit was at their waists and are now being pulled into the unforgiving rapids. 
The hardest year, but the inevitable year. 

2021 I put my head under the pillow and listened as the world struggled to find it's footing again.  
the leadership changing hands and old policies being addressed while new policies enacted.  
It will be over the next few months that we can examine what was done well and what was done wrong in the process.  When the courses can be addressed and adjusted.  
But his year, aside from the pandemic, is a vital year for the Nation we live in as a whole. 
It's the midterms.  
As much as people want to put at the feet of the President and the choices they make now is when the failure or success of their time is truly decided.  
See, the president is working with rules and policies that were made by the people voted in during the last mid terms, in 2018.  Trying to make adjustments and find common ground with the people voted into, or to maintain, their offices then.  
The 2020 election was simply a change in focus and dealing with what was.  
the 2022 midterms, like kids playing leap frog, will be when the truly policy enforcement takes effect and begins setting the focuses and setting the rules and agendas for whatever teams in leaderships take over during the 2024 elections. |

Maybe mine. 

But first we have to get through what will be the roughest year, emotionally, for the medical community that has been holding this world together the past two years. 

First we have to get people to vote. 
To make sure everyone has their voice heard this year. 
To mobilize voters on the same scale as 2020 saw.  
Because this is when the grading happens.  
the grading on the previous teams jobs and the grading on whether or not the current team will be able to handle their jobs over the next two years.
2022 is when the 2024 presidency is made or broken, not 2025, or 2026, or even 2028. Those are just when the report cards are turned in. 
Now is, 2022. Will dictate the agendas and projects for the next presidency. 
So be diligent, be informed, and start now on securing your ability to vote when the ballots start to be passed around. 

I have a lot of work to do this year. 
I have to analyze the date from the last year, re examine my goals and projections with this new data, and then realistically re adjust those goals and projections. 
But even more than all of that. 
I need to start pulling the team together.
Who that is yet...I don't know.
I just know that by the end of 2022
I need to have it done, or at least, mostly done. 
Because, if I get the job, I have to do the job.  And it's not a job I can do alone.

Foof.

I'm trying to find some words of hope and encouragement going into this new year.  
and hopefully, as I start pulling the data together, and along with it my brain, things will look more so. 

I guess, it's this.  
the storm is still blowing, the waters still raging, and it will test our hearts to breaking. 
But as the storm hits it's peak and the night gets darkest we will know, that it will get better.
The winds will die down, the waters will recede, even if their paths of have changed, and the sun will shine again. 
In the mean time. 
Stay Safe. 
I'll do my best to do the same.

The Wheel Goes Around

 Just finished watching the first Episode of the Wheel of Time series.  
I avoided it, any news about it's production, when it was releasing and all of that. 
Which is funny, because I've read the series cover to cover multiple times and listened to the audio books on repeat for years while working by myself on overnights. 

And here it is almost a half hour after it's conclusion and I just don't know how I feel about it yet.  

Watching a book adaptation to television or film is always a feat in mental gymnastics because it is an adaptation.  There is no way to fully portray the inner workings of a character that you get in a written form transferred to a visual medium. 

I mean there are ways but...ah, that's a debate for a film class. 

As a fan of the books I like it.  

As fantasy film and television goes it's defiantly above average.  

My only quibbles are largely technical.  But I think that comes more from the medium than the actual production it's self.  

It's an Amazon streaming series.  Which means it's meant to be watched in a binge or in small clumps on a phone or a tablet which gives it's pacing...for me...was almost to fast.  
I guess the biggest nit pick is that I would have zoomed out more.  
Giving some longer shots to really appreciate the level of detail put into the scenery, sets, and costumes.  I would have used longer cuts.   the short clip, fast pacing of the sequences didn't allow the actors to really shine with much in the way of chemistry.  
I have to quibbles with the casting or ability of any of the actors in the show.  I actually would have done a very similar casting had I the reigns of the production.  However because of the focus on short, closeups of each of the actors and an almost light switch flipping level of angle changing done in the editing together you didn't get to see the characters really interact.  I'm not saying that they should have had Robert Altman levels of non directional character interactions but a little more in the way of letting the actors act with each other rather than the camera and slowing down the pacing for the interdictory scenes would have given the characters more time to impress on the audience.  

Again, these are more film school level nit picks over all wanting something I've cherished since child hood to be the absolute best of the best.  But over all it was enjoyable, and it was only the first episode, which, is meant to grab an audience that doesn't exist yet while trying not to ruffle the feathers of to many of the fanboys out there. 

On a personal level, it hit hard. It hit in a way that seeing Iron Man the first tine did.  Or the way that seeing End Game did after spending a decade with the characters. There's a lot to sort out there and I'll more than likely be watching more of it so feelings will be had even if I'm not wanting to. 

It's funny, that the Wheel of Time is what gets these fingers properly moving after so much silence.  
An enforced break more than anything.  Focusing on being...social...even if it is in a virtual space.
And...let's be real...in an effort to build a team. 

We'll see.  
After the holidays when I really get back into the thick of things and start the build up for the next couple of years.

Stay Safe

Where my heart is.

I've only felt "at home" maybe a total of 4 times in my life.  
At least four times that really stick with me as times of being "at home".

The thing is. 
Everywhere I've lived has felt like a half way.  
A place that I didn't belong, but I was at. 
Growing up, home was...where I got in trouble.  
Home was where people fought. 
Home was where secrets were kept. 
Home felt like a gilded prison.

When I got older and moved out on my own.  
The places I lived felt temporary. 
Transient. 
All of the warmth of a hotel room.

While I was married home felt like the place that I slept. 
A place where I hid. 
Like I was a place holder for someone else. 

That "at home" feeling.   
Like feeling I was where I was supposed to be. 
Where I was safe.
Where I was at peace.
That feeling has only been very, very fleeting in my life.
Everything else has been somewhere between prisoner and visitor. 

The first time I really recall feeling that way.  
The "I'm home" feeling. 
Was a bright sunny afternoon. 
The wind cool, but the sun warm. 
I was working in the yard with my partner at the time.  
We pulled weeds.
Planted flowers.
Hung shutters. 
It was...idyllic and comfortable.

The second time I remember feeling that way.
That at home feeling. 
That loved and cared for feeling. 
I was sick.  So terribly sick. 
I had been bed for days and I wasn't entirely certain I would be able to get out.  
A friend came to check on me.  
Brought orange juice, and medicine, and cold clean water. 
And Soup. 
I was only conscience for brief moments. 
They sat in the rocking chair by my bed in silence.  
They made sure I ate. 
Took the medicine.
And they were just, there.  
Their familiar breathing and shifting a comfort beyond measure. 
They left after I they made sure I was going to be okay and was sleeping comfortably.  

The third time I remember feeling at home was Thanksgiving. 
Modest.  
A feast funded by a students allowance and a librarians modest wages. 
A chicken instead of a turkey, and stuffing from a box, with potatoes and beans.  
and a pumpkin pie bought from the local grocery
A wood fire burning in an iron stove and the smell of lavender in the air. 
I remember thinking I would never feel happier than I did with Cat in my lap and my fingers twined with my partners. 
It felt safe.  
Like peace. 


The last time I felt at home...
Was curled up in in a to small tent as the rain poured down outside. 
Just comics and blankets turning the dreary day into heaven. 


As the days move on and the years pass
I think of moments like these and wonder. 
Will I ever find home?

Operation Food Truck

When your whole world has fallen down around you what helps more? 
A hot meal
or
Having a bag of rice thrown at you?

Looking at the situation in Hatti and examining the post earthquake response the biggest concern is medical aid and food supplies.   

How would I handle this if I were commander in chief?   
I would Hire food trucks. 
Offer food truck owners and their teams $50,000 per person to go to Haiti.  Then take armor transport ships and load them with the food trucks.  The Navy's responsibilities would be getting the food trucks to the locations, making sure their operational needs are met and ensuring the safety of the food trucks and their workers.  


Why food trucks?  
Pretty simple.  
NGO's can get the food but they can't prepare it.  
Food Truck owners know how to prepare food and maintain a level of cleanliness. 
Second, Food trucks can be easily moved to and from locations so as clean up operations and some sense of normalcy is restored.

Budgeting $25 million per 100 food trucks for workers.
Then an additional $25 million for operational costs such as fuel, electrical setups, and cooking supplies. 

Bringing the total cost of hiring the trucks to $50 million per 100 trucks. 

To avoid creating issues with garbage there would need to be reusable bowels, plates, and utensils and setting sanitization stations  for the dishes and utensils to be ferried too and from to be cleaned and sanitized.  I'd recommend looking at hospital supply catalogues for the types of sturdy, reusable, and transportable setups.   

Budget an additional $500 K per sanitization station for setup, stock and hire locals for the cleaning and transport duties.  With a total budget of $10 M. 

Total Price Tag for initial costs.
$60 million per 100 food trucks. 

As for total costs, that is a question for the Haitian government. 
The U.S. contribution would be the transportation and supply line operations and welcoming assistance from any other organization  that would be willing to assist. 

Plan for a one year operation. 
That should be sufficient time for rescue operations and clean up to be completed and for local infrastructure to be able to take over the operation.   

Why do it this way?

For Decades and Decades dumping supplies into a disaster area though helpful rarely does the good necessary to help a region get back on it's feet.
By doing it this way it creates a dignified way of distributing the food and supplies while the area and/or region, in this situation Hatti, is able to address the disaster it's self. 
This is literally how we do it here in the U.S. during emergencies.  
It's just more neighbors helping neighbors, or the next town over putting people up in the local school or church, or other place with kitchens and bathrooms and showers. 
At the moment, Haiti, for all intents and purposes has none of this.   Nor do many of the other areas facing food shortages post disaster. 

Providing prepared foods during the Emergency does one other very important thing.  It makes sure that hoarding and exploitation for those supplies doesn't happen.  After the emergency has passed and stabilized supply lines and surrounding infrastructure is reestablished then trade and markets can return to normal operation.   

Just make sure your food truck teams are versatile and inventive cooks with  a solid supply of spices.  Because when it comes to aid supplies it's usually mostly beans and rice and powdered nonsense. 

Food Trucks =
Mobile Kitchens
And hey, for food truck operators they can put up a badge of honor on their trucks.  
"Hatti Relief - 2021" or something like that. 
And looking at how successful this ends up being then this model can be deployed to disaster areas anywhere in the world

And here in the U.S.  After the Rail infrastructure is repaired and revitalized...well that's a discussion for another time.   

Gridiron Blitz

How do you do distance learning when you can't interact with your students? 
How do students ask questions when they can not reach their teachers. 

That is the next big question we will be asking our nation, and worlds, educators. 

The Afghan Project. 

At least that is what I would call it if I were starting something like that. 

For the past 20 or so year women and girls have moved into the same position that women were fighting for at the turn of the century in the United States. 
Removing the factor of race issues, the divide between male and female hasn't even been fully settled in most of the rest of the world.   
The ability to Vote.
The ability to Learn.
The ability to Work. 
 How do you support these things without a military presence? 
Fundamentalists are, much like in the U.S., leading the charge to "Make Afghan Great Again." as the U.S. forces withdraw. 
...
The above words I wrote weeks before the situation is what it is in Afghanistan today.   Crowds trying desperately to make it to the Kabul airport to evacuate the country.  
The focus is getting the Americans and other foreign nationals out while accepting refugees "as they can."  
This isn't a U.S. problem. 
 This is a U.N. problem.  
Unlike the Iraq war the war in Afghanistan was a U.N. sanctioned multinational response spear headed by the U.S.  
So though I do not fully agree with the President's response that it is "an Afghan problem" I will say that it is a U.N. problem as to figuring out what to do for the people trying to leave the nation. 
So let's talk about the hard numbers as if the U.S. where shouldering the entirety of the burden. 

Roughly 300,000 Afghan people where allied directly with and working along side American and Coalition forces throughout the past 20 years.   So that is the target number for the next 5 days. 

300,000 people 
We'll worry about the bureaucratic side of this in a moment. 

The average NFL stadium holds 60'000 spectators.  
that means you would need 5 stadiums to evacuate people to. 

Why a Stadium?   
Though sleeping in the seats may not be comfortable the stay would be temporary.
There are bathroom facilities and food vending facilities already set up to accommodate that number of people.  
There are P.A. systems for announcements and communicating what's going on for large crowds.
Locker facilities have showers if needed for emergencies.  
The Stadiums are already set up with a mind for large crowd security and there are ways of getting supplies in and out efficiently.  
The field it's self where medical and security screening facilities can be set up. 
So five teams volunteer their fields for the season to evacuate the refugees to and use as processing facilities to find them their homes.  
I'm sure there are a number of active and former military members what would assist in the screenings by helping the individuals they worked side by side with in a war zone figure out if they are staying, going, or heading back.   

From there, as the evacuation is happening and people are being screened we find 300'000 homes. 
I know, many of the 300'000 will be family units and/or willing to cohabitate so 300'000 homes may be overkill but still, the overage...well..we'll talk about that when this operation is done and the Kabul airport is no longer the site of a humanitarian crisis. 
In the U.S. or outside the U.S. it doesn't much matter, but homes to find.  
Plan on giving them starting money. $30,000 per adult and $10,000 per child. 
to buy clothing, food, and necessities to get started.
Remember almost all of those people will be arriving with nothing more than a suitcase...if that much.

"Who's going to pay for that?"
Well, considering that it costs $1,000,000 per troop per year to be in Afghanistan and all but a very small number will still be mobilized in the region in evacuation efforts I'd say we can find it in the budget somewhere. That's roughly 9 billion, we'll round it up to an even 10 billion out of the $45 Billion dollars spent in Afghanistan last year.  

As for the bureaucratic side of things. 
Well, this is a humanitarian crisis. 
And, this isn't just a U.S. problem, but as I illustrated in the above numbers, the U.S. is capable of shouldering the burden entirely without extra budgetary concerns, it's just a matter of will. 
The Army can handle the logistics, 
Marines the escort operations while coordinating with the Airforce and Navy for getting people where they need to go. 
The National Guard is already busy with wildfires, floods, and other natural disasters...or should be.

So that's what you need.
5 stadiums
$10 Billion Dollar Relocation Budget.
And
the Elbow Grease of the U.S. Military ($40 Billion Budget, $5 Billion less than the Afghan operational Costs) 

Granted, some icing on the cake would be some NGO's and assistance from other nations involved in the operation.  Especially with the finding homes part, but that's the short of it. 

From there, it will be making sure that everyone that needed out got out and then figuring out what roll the U.N. and the U.S. will have in Afghanistan when the dust of all of this settles. 

"The hell makes you think all this would work Jack, and what makes you think this seat of the pants idea of yours would work anyway.?"

...Oh...Well...I came up with this idea years ago when we first started talking about leaving Afghanistan seriously. 
And everyone is wanting to equate every damned thing to holocaust, so that's what we're doing. 
Treating the Afghan people the way the Jewish people should have been treated after World War II. 
Ya know, because we have a lot less Nazi Sympathizers in Congress now...or at least we should. 

Anyway, that's the plan.
Has been the plan.
Just need the American people to agree with the plan. 

We have six day.   

Symptoms of Withdrawl

 I'm yet to look into the full events of the past few months but so far things are going mostly as anticipated. 

"We didn't expect Taliban forces to move so quickly."  
Some are saying. 

Actually, yes.  
You should have. 

The long and short of it is, as I was telling trainees almost 20 years ago now, is this. 
The "War on Terror and our efforts in the middle east are not wars that will be won on the battlefield but won in the the hearts and minds of the people."  

The original grievance of the Various terrorist organizations of the 90's and 00's was that their homes and nations were being used as battlegrounds between larger nations and that their rights and cultures were being disrespected. 

So why/how did the Taliban gain so much ground so quickly? 
Simple.  
They won the war. 
The coalition and American forces won the ground battle yes, but after years of occupation the Taliban won war in the hearts of the people.   

Pulling American forces out of those nations was not the wrong move. 
Not by a long shot.   
Various pundits and arm chair strategists will give their reasonings as to why we should pull out. 
But the simple answer is that it was time.
Win or loose, it was time.  
There would be no accurate gauge on the effectiveness of the strategies and support that has been poured into the region over the past twenty or more years (depending on how you view the scope of the conflict).  Like knocking over the first domino in a carefully constructed design, pulling American forces back and looking at what was built and/or achieved was necessary.   
And now that has been done things, over the course of the next handful of years will play out in a number of ways but from a success perspective it will be hard to tell immediately.
For starters, the Taliban and groups that have supported them over the past decades have been taking a much longer view of the proceedings.   After all, these regions have been disputed by major world powers since recorded history began.  Been passed back and forth as well as hosted major civilizations from start to finish. 
So they've been planning and waiting for the moment coalition and American troops would leave, and as the dominos placed by those forces fell so are the ones they had placed. 
They were able to snag "seats of power." essentially over night by all accounts. 
But that's the interesting part, and why, things will take awhile to shake out. 
Just because you sit in the castle does not mean you control what is happening in the fields. 
If the Taliban forces want to be taken seriously as a government then they will have to adhere to larger international laws. 
After all, they too had been moving and operating on the resources that had been brought into the region over the course of the conflict.   So the question is, did they actually set up a government or simply win some well executed and planned battles? 
The second very large factor that will determine success of the whole endeavor is how the outside.
 world will interact with the situation at hand.  
Remember, the major reason many of the terrorist organizations were able to make such headway in their agendas and why groups like the Taliban formed in the first place was because of disrespect and religious suppression.
Especially in the early 00's the agenda was pushed forward on the backs of people screaming "Christian Nation" and "Muslims are bad."   And even though this was not the intention of those tasked with fighting the war on Terrorism these were often the loudest voices heard, or allowed through the curtains of propaganda.   
Let's be honest, both sides were guilty of this. 
So over the coming months the U.S. forces have two very large, very tough tasks ahead of themselves.  
First, is to prove themselves. 
Aiding the interpreters and other on the ground allies that have helped, for years, the American and Coalition troops be so successful in their military maneuvers. 
Getting they, and their families, safely out of country until the fighting dies down. 
Once the blood and tensions of cooled it will more than likely be safe for them to return home and begin the hardest part of the whole thing.   

Building peace.
Not a nation.
Not a tactically advantageous location.
but a safe and peaceful place like that so many people from nations like the U.S. take for granted.  
This will be a true test of the whether or not "The U.S. won the war on Terror."  is in how we treat our allies from these past 20 years. 
This is how we will win the hearts in the battle. 

The second piece of the puzzle. 
And possibly the most difficult, is how to aid in the years to come. 
As has been shown through out the course of the Covid Pandemic no nation is truly isolated.  
No one nation is truly independent of any other. 
How the U.S. and N.A.T.O forces choose to aid and show support in the region will show how much respect is had for the nations we were 'saving' as many people view it. 

Let's be real.  
Mission was accomplished. 
The perpetrators behind the September 11th attacks were brought to justice in one form or another.
The political parties that had become dictatorships that had been installed by Allied forces through the mid 1900's removed and local governments in various forms of success taking over the roles. 

The mistrust is still there, and will be there, easily for another full generation or two.  
Hell, here in the U.S. we're still debating civil rights between the races and trying to find a healthy balance between religion and government, so attempting to enforce such in another nation any further would be an exercise in narcistic hubris.   
So that is how we win minds.  We recognize that the tasks outlined in the 00's have been achieved and quietly withdraw for the time being.  


One third piece to this puzzle. 
Respect.
Recognizing that it will be painful to watch as things slowly settle out for good or ill in the region over the course of the next few years. 
But also offering true aid when needed. 
Natural disasters, famine, disease.   
These are still battles that need fought on a global scale, and in many places that are considered "first world." still rear their ugly heads.  

So on our side of the fence it will be the task of regrouping, examining both success and failures, while retraining to meet the tasks and difficulties ahead. We also need to keep the gates open for the people in true danger to be able to find safe harbor until the storm has passed. 

As things settle there, into what ever the future has in store it will be time to look inward and more close to home.  To the South.  To the island nations and those we share borders with.  
Because right now, much as was happening in the middle east during the past decades, we have migrants fleeing warzones.  Coming to the U.S. for help and safety from conflicts instigated by those in our nations past.   Those aren't opinions.   Those are matters of public record. 
But this time, unlike the problems caused during the 70's into the 00's and all of the conflicts entered into their we should not be asking "how do we fix this."  
we should be asking "how can we help."
And a much more difficult question. 
"How can they help us."

Success is measured in years and decades, not weeks and months. 

Stay Safe out there. 

I.nsperational T.houghts Department.

  We're hitting the year and half mark for a global pandemic.   
True second waves have come and are being managed on a the global scale. 
Vaccines are being distributed and holes in the supply lines are being found and hopefully repaired. 

The next major challenge for the world is figuring out how to "restart the system." 

Back when originally looking a pandemic level event I anticipated a year and a half on the short side and closer to three years on the more realistic side.  

Here we are.   
the year and a half mark.  

The vaccine development went roughly as anticipated.  
Streamlined, tested, and beginning distribution on track for a "best case" year and a half scenario  for a full global recovery.  

But best cases are not always real world cases and now we're seeing where global distribution lines have had problems before but were largely ignored because they had band-aids placed over them by NGO's and aid organizations.  

We're seeing mistrust across community lines because of generations of abuse by those in power and those that fell in line supporting supremist ideologies since the founding of the United States and the establishment of global organizations like the United Nations. 

What the Covid pandemic has done is pulled bandages that looked clean on the outside away from festering wounds threatening sepsis underneath.

Three year to full recovery now that these vails are being pulled back for the larger public does not seem nearly as unreasonable as people originally thought at the initial outbreaks. 

Our next major task, as a nation, and as a world is addressing and healing the wounds that have been exposed. 
A full recovery isn't just getting people back to work.  It's looking at our economic systems foundation and seeing what was shaken, or even destroyed, by the past year and half of this pandemic and rebuilding them. 

To some of the people on top it feels like the whole world is shaking back and forth and that everything is falling apart.   That's because they never saw the people working below to keep the foundations from collapsing.   And now that those people in the foundations are doing the real and hard work, shoring up the foundations, replacing keystones that crumbled it can be terrifying. 

But I  gotta tell ya man, from down here where we're working.   It's never seemed more stable.  Watching communities band together, finding people food, shelter, and seeing many of the inequities of the world begin strides to balance.  It looks far from unstable.  It looks, though precarious as the work is being done, like the foundations are healing and that things are very, very slowly, getting better.

And, as recovery and rebuilding moves forward, even if we do hit a level of productivity and national and global stabilization as it was before the pandemic the foundations being built now, supporting the upper levels that sway back and forth above the clouds.  scaring those with loose grips and no guard rails. Are going to be stable for generations to come.  Ensuring that the children now, those watching us fret and worry and trying to figure how to "fix it all" or just to survive it all will see the work that went into it.  And the generations that come after will look back and wonder at our generation.   The Boomers, the Xers, the Millennials', the Z's.  Took a world nearing collapse and turned it into something that would out live even their great grand children. 

Our next task is both and easier and harder than coming to grips with a global sickness. 
It's looking at the foundations of our societies, on local, state, national, and global scales and finding ways to grieve the hardships that previous generations went through, current generations have survived, and accepting the reality of them. 
The brutal honesties. 
But still finding the willpower to keep moving forward. 
To rebuild, to start looking at the biggest and oldest of the pillars and ask "Are they salvageable or will they collapse when all of these smaller emergency patches are removed and they have to take the full weight of their responsibilities?" 

Looking forward is looking at infrastructure. 
The most basic of basics.  
Food
Shelter
Energy
Making sure that the infrastructure systems are agile and healthy. 
One thing that the previous winter taught us is that many of these energy systems are not agile. 
They have the beginnings of support from alternative sources, but still rely to heavily on one form or another. 
Transitioning people from one energy sector to another is a lot easier than many think it will be. 
The older people that have been in the oil and gas industries for a long time, from bottom to top, won't loose jobs, they'll just gain new ones. 
Because even if the players change, and the field looks a little different, the task is still the same and the same difficulties and hurdles will still exist. And who better to help navigate these hurdles than the ones that have been taking them in stride for so long already.  

So here's to you young ones.  
Don't discount someone just because they come from one of the old systems. They're wisdom will help you achieve your goals by pointing out the pitfalls and difficulties.

To the older ones. 
The young ones are going to try to fun fast and they are going to fall. We just got to make sure we can help them get back up and use our older tools to keep things running while they get their legs back underneath them.  

And to both.  Take each other with a grain of salt. 
We may not always see eye to eye, and we may not always agree how to get the job done.
But we're all still running the same race and trying to get to the same end goal. 

I'll be working on more specifics in the coming weeks as the data from the last year and a half starts to come together and be verified.   Things like this, especially on such large scale, rarely move fast and what was thought true this time last year could not always verified until we saw actual trajectories.   Like a ball striking the ground.  We know it hit, and maybe were it came from, but until we see it bounce away, it's trajectory is largely guess work and catching to throw back still a task to come. 

 but I needed these words, more to get myself inspired again. To put my head back in the books and listen to those that are weary and those that have been listening and doing the things that no one person could. 

But from what I've seen. 
We got this. 
It's still long way to go, but look at how far we've come. 

Happy Pride everybody. 
And stay safe.
Help is on the way.

Existential Intersections.

It's been months now.  
Isolation and self reflection. 
Becoming  comfortable with just being...me.
Trying to figure out what it means to be in this body, in the world, at this time.

Sending out my thoughts, rants, and feelings to a wider net of people that I'm not even certain or listening.  

Going on some weird form of faith that I'll be able to sorth through the data and nonsense.  

Doing it with no one to bounce ideas off of. 
No one wanting to talk through or about these issues. 
At least  not directly.
And not with me.

Trying to find people that will engage and find soutions rather than complain about what is.

Swinging on a pendulum of feeling as though aevery word and action is being analyzed.  Being helped or hindered.  
to feeling like I"m just existing and the only people aware of my existance or actions are those I'm in direct contact with from day to day. 

Either being gaslit or completly isolated. 

A schrodingers existence. 

Working on my papers, thoughts, and feelings, while at the same time not havign the resources or connnections to pursue any of the goals i have personally and professionally. 

Just, existing for the sake of...Idon't even know at this juncture.  
|What do I want from life?

What did I want from life? 
What Idid want, once upon a time, was to be an astronaut.  To go to the moon and walks it's dusty surfac and see the stars as unfltered as possible from a perspecive beyond the bounds of atmosphere and gravity. 

then it was to "retire" to get to the point of self sufficency thatwould alow me to bee in my books, and stories, and travels. 
Now, now it's just finding a purpose.
A way to use my skills and talents to support myself that doesn't put me in dangerous situations without...being fairly compensated..? 
ugh.
Just another white guy complaining about what they're entitled too.  

Truth is, I"m just a nearing middleaged bi person that survived the 90's, fought back  during the 00's, and lived  in relative privilage during the 2010's  and now in the 20's trying to figure ouw what in the actual hell I'm supposed to do now.  

Dream of...just nightmares now.  
A mixture of falshbakcs, memories, and the reliving of conversations built on conuecture that will probably never be settled for the remainder of my life.

Now...just keep studying and writing.  and hopefully making something of these things.
but mostly trying to figure out what I"m supposed to do with myself now.   

going round the mulberry bush, chasing my own tail.

Why does the bi part matter? 
Because it's pride month. 
And even though i'm alone and isolated Istill try to be seen. 
But more importantly to let the younger people know thye've been seen.  

In a way that my generation never were until now, a way that geneations before had to fight just to be acknowledged. 
...
Well isn't that some brain salad?
Happy pride, hopefully before I get back infront of the Camera I'll have my thoughts pulled together a bit more than all of this nonsense. 

Roe, Roe, Roe your Boat

I was trying to come up with a good argument that wouldn't piss people off for this but here we are.  
Doesn't matter what side of the coin I come down on on this one I'm going to be pissing someone off.  
Roe v.s. Wade.  
Going to keep this as simple as possible because I woke up randomly and apparently won't be able to go bac to sleep until I get this thought bubble popped. 

Abortions should be legal. 
The law, really doesn't need changed on a national level.  
And letting smaller areas make them more restrictive is a logical fallacy 

Here's why. 

If you prevent abortions then you are agreeing that the government should have a say over how your children should be raised.  

The proponents that are against women's rights...
Let's be honest here, abortion is just the scary beat stick being used around many larger issues concerning women's rights as decision making, autonomous, individuals.  
These proponents are also against teaching actual sex education in public schools. 
These same proponents want to defund support programs that do and would go to individuals that would need help with many of the things that come with or around situations that warrant an abortion. 
Public Mental Health
Public Education
Welfare programs for funding and things. 

The logical fallacy is strait forward. 
Either keep Roe V Wade as is or
agree that raising a child should be 100% state funded from childhood to adult hood. 
Food, housing, medical needs, educational needs.   
The whole enchilada. 
If you are going to tell a potential mother weighing their health and survivability against a child's health and survivability that they have no right to make, arguably, one of the hardest and most traumatic decisions in their life...
By that logic...
You have zero financial responsibility over the child once they are born.
You also have zero decision making power on what should be done with or for that child until that child is an adult.
Logic is a cold and hard. 

My personal thoughts are pretty strait forward on the matter. 
I have never met, or heard of, a person that has had more than one abortion. 
And arguably, if they were the type to do such a thing as a "form of birth control"  as many argue abortion is being used.   
They are already 
Using birth control in detriment to their own body so that they can avoid being put in the position of abortion being an option in the first place.
Or are so dead set against having children have gotten a hysterotomy  or a tubal ligation. 
It is none of my business about what decisions an individual, male or female, makes concerning their own care.  Especially if that decision is made where medical professionals agree to perform the procedure under medically safe circumstances.  

Lastly, and I'm being blunt as hell here.

If your argument is a religious one, for any reason what so over, on this topic.
Get.
Just, got sit in your corner and hush up.
We live in the United States.  
Where, at it's founding, there was supposed to be a firm separation between church and state. 
This is a state level, or government level, decision.   
Until churches and religious organizations start paying taxes on their proceeds. 
Until religious contributions and donations are no longer tax exempt then religious bias and input should have zero bearing on how any law is passed, especially in concerns to in individuals rights. 

Women are not property. 

Abortions, not matter how you feel about them, are a medical a procedure made by and agreed to by consenting adults where the health, physical and mental, are weighed and taken into consideration long before the decision is ever made. 

Or
If you want me to put it more simply.
You want to make abortions illegal and take that choice away from a woman?
Then give up your guns.
Right Now.
Because you are of a belief that no one should have the right to make a life or death choice without consent of the larger whole. 
Sheesh, now there's a rallying cry for the cause.
I'll give up my uterus when you give up your guns.
>.<

I'm going back to bed, if I can at this point.

Being woke up by this non sense when it was fairly decided over forty years ago and the data shows that the abortion rate has gone down and survivability of mothers and children during birth has gone up. 

We don't need to "Be fruitful and multiply anymore."   
We're on the verge of being overpopulated, and already are in a lot of places.

I'd apologize for the bluntness, but yeesh.  
No, I don't apologize for the bluntness. 
I might give it prettier words if/when asked in a larger forum but the stance stays the same.

It is a medical decision made between a woman and their healthcare professionals.  
Everybody else can bugger off. 
Also, planned parenthood does what they can to avoid that nonsense from the start. 
Hence the word PLANNED, to help and individual, or couple, make wise decisions concerning the raising of a family.
It's almost 99% the purpose of the organization.  
Making sure that people are doing what's right for their already existing or potential children. 
Am I the only person in the flibbin world that pays attention to mission statements and then follows up with a check up on that organizations efficacy to that mission statement!?! 
Sure feels like it sometimes.

What was I supposed to be doing again!?
Oh, right, sleeping. 
Because I'm still trying to find a peaceful solution for a centuries old conflict. 
Common, Supreme Court,  can we not relitigate whether or not a woman is property of their husband and/or patriarch of their family?
We outlawed slavery (or at least were supposed to have, still a lot of things to be settled on that one) over 150 years ago. 

Never mind, guess I'm not sleeping...
Back to work. 

Copy Right?

 I needed to take a break and just be for awhile.   
I've spent the last couple of months digging deep into the lore of a game that I love to play and trying to find other people that want to find a way making a living playing video games. 
With little to no avail. 
The big thing that is getting to me is that my body just isn't holding up the way that it should.   It's not the age, just all the damned injuries. Waking up wanting to vomit from the pain.  Having several days in a row without migraines just turn around an have to spend an entire day sitting in the dark and waiting for it to pass. 

I started crunching data for my papers again.   Little bits here and there, letting half an ear listen to what's going on in the larger world and formulating responses to it. 

I guess that's the thing that really gets to me sometimes, is that I've never really had anyone to talk about these things with.   Not in any depth, or for any period of time. 
"I don't want to talk about that."
"How can you spend your time reading about that."
"It's none of your business so stay out of it."
"That's so boring."
"I don't understand half of what you're saying."
 "If people just.." and fill in the blank with an over simplified answer based on their own personalized experience. 

Are all things that I used to hear when I tried talking to people about my research and odd interests.  
That's the thing, I know there are people out there that are interested in economics and larger national and world issues.  People that actually want to help and find ways to  better the community around them.  
I've just spent most of my life around people that didn't.   That discouraged doing all of that. 
And it's worn on my a lot over the years. 
The thing is, many people look at the rich and famous and go "ooo, I want to be like them."  and I look at journalist and scientists and say "I want to work with them."  

"Well, you know, if you just stopped being lazy."
"Stop whining and learn a trade."
Call me lazy one more time Motha Fucka.  
Sometimes I wish there was a me suit that I could have people wear for a day and see how they do. 
Much in the same way that when I was learning about child development and things there was a pregnancy suit to wear. One that put pressure on kidneys and represented the extra weight etc.  Granted it didn't really give you the experience of the hormones and what not, but the physical discomforts at least.
"Yeah dude, wear this for a day then come with me and do what I do."

Granted I've pretty much refused to do of late. 
Well, refused to do the outside at least.
I've been doing the inside. 
Working on responses to what's going on in the larger world and trying to figure out if it's time to use the reigns or time to give the horse it's head. 
Again, no one really to talk to about these things with.  
No one interested enough to dig into it with.  So I content myself with listening to podcasts and info dumps to help keep the brain crunching on the larger papers I've been working on. 

"Haven't seen you writing anything."
Oh, I've been writing and composing.  
But for some of these issues... 
The abortion rights issues.
The Israeli/Palestinian conflicts.
Gun rights legislation.
 and a few other topics I'm really trying to choose my words carefully.
Not that I'm overly worried about my personal thoughts on the issues coming out.  I've never really been shy about those.  More because I want to make sure that any recommendations I put out into the universe are based on facts and evidence rather than my own skewed perspective. 
I think, actual writing of those things I've gotten about ten or so pages done. 
 Don't ask my how many words that is, I don't count, I just write.
After chewing on research, news reports, and composing/re composing how to write it and what I'm going to say.
I'm weird, I talk it out with myself long before my fingers ever touch the keys of the computer.

I just hope the kids, I say kids because I'm hitting that age that even people in their twenties seem like kids with boundless energy to me, don't take it personally that I blipped.  I was,  getting to comfortable letting my thoughts and emotions out and they've all got more than enough of their own problems to have to listen to my whining and complaining as my immune system kicks the shit out of me and it gets closer to that time of year.

Yeah, that time of year...*sigh*

One thing I do know, though, after the past couple of months attempting to be a social person...

...at as social as a world pandemic, crippling social anxiety, and isolation allow one to be is that I'm still crap at it. Trying to set boundaries while still being active, especially in the gaming community is difficult.  

The one blessed thing about the kids that I've been gaming with is that even though they've heard me elude to the nonsense that's pretty well public knowledge at this point I've only broke down crying once. Though I think I got the mic muted before I did. 
As the years pass tears still happen. 
Less often.
Not for nearly as long.
But they still fall. 
I don't think that part will ever stop.
Part of me wishes it would.
But then the other part of me knows that if it doesn't make me cry anymore it means I've forgotten the good of all of it.  
The smiles, the love, and the music.

I got myself a couple of transformers to open this year.
Jazz and Elita. 
They look like they're super poseable too.

Okay, enough emotions.
Back to work.

The Wrong Side of Right

 Here we are, almost halfway through 2021 and a little less than halfway through projections I made almost six years ago now. 

I still have a hard time grasping a lot of it.   Still trying to figure out what my place in everything really is.   So I sit here, bouncing back and forth between working on fantasy stories, fan fiction for the games I play, and trying to formulate comprehensible arguments for the various policies and movements I'd like to see make headway in my life time. 

I only pick and peck at the news right now, trying to keep my head out of it and focused on the long term. 
You see, everyone was debating about the "second wave" of the Pandemic.   Thinking that it was the bump in cases as holidays passed and the regular flu seasons came and went.   But the truth is, that the pandemic responses may not have entirely curbed the covid issues but they did also put dents in other illness curves that usually rise heavily through the winter months.   I still haven't looked over the compiled data from the past few months but I've got a shiny quarter that says flu cases and other similar issues, though not completely mitigated  were suppressed to an extent. 
The support networks put in place to combat food shortages and things during the pandemic carrying over to shelter and food supplies for the winter months off setting some of the spikes in deaths that happen from neglect and homelessness during the colder months in the U.S. 
The only reason I make this assumption without seeing the data is because our hospitals were not overrun during the winter and early spring. 

But the second wave has hit.  
Everyone looks at the small scale, the local cases, the statewide cases, and sometimes the national cases as the litmus for how things are going. 
But no. 
The Second wave is striking India. 
I don't recall at this moment, a couple of short hours before sunrise local, which countries I anticipated the full force of the second wave to hit but India did fall into it. 
There is a part of me that hopes that the rest of the international community was able to get their shit together in time to be able to help. 
Or if the vaccine distributions are just barely enough to cover the needs of last summer. 
My heart goes out to the Indian People and the hardships they are going through right now.   Listening helplessly as I am to the news I'm allowing myself right now and trying to formulate distribution strategies that might help alleviate...any of it. 

But, it's May, and it's time for me to be getting back to work.  Digging in to where the local and national responses are and what their projections are looking like. 

I always cautioned A year and half best case, three years on the outside for a disease like this to run it's course.  It's time like this that I hate being right.  A part of me really hoped that the world had everything under control by the end of winter.  But that cold, analyzing, logic that does the hard maths knew better. 

So this weekend I let myself transition back into research  mode.  Day by day picking up a bit more of the materials and research necessary to help formulate strategies and take into account where we are after a year and a half of something that feels eerily close to the new normal.

From what little I've let myself see over the past month it seems the new administration is following my strategies, in broad strokes at least, focusing on generating the funding for economic recovery and infrastructure refurbishment.    
I commend them for pushing for it.  I really do. 
Hell, the conservative side of me winces every time I hear the price tags but that was also in the projections. 

The plan is to rebuild infrastructure systems that went too long without being proper maintained.   And rebuilding is almost more expensive than building fresh.  Largely because of the labor costs, the training costs, the time commitments. 
But if we do it right then it will be worth every penny and the pay off incalculable until some century later  when historians are looking back and talking about the hard sell that had to be made to shift a nation.  

That's funny part. 
Many old school, small government types fear that the changes will be bringing big government into the world.   When the whole goal is simply to facilitate the building of the infrastructure needed to maintain the freedoms everyone strives for. 
Mobility.
Safety.
The ability to pursue ones goals and compete in a competitive marketplace.  
There's a lot of fear about "The Rise of Socialisms" or the "Marxist Movement" 
Truth is, checks and balances are built into a truly Democratic society.   
Hell, even though the "Founding Fathers" of the U.S. were still operating under colonialist ideals and expansionist visions the ideas were solid.  
It's just our job, now, to apply them to everyone. Rather than just the select few that many of the systems were initially designed for. 

First we all have to survive this Pandemic.
A harsh reminder from Mother Nature that political borders and fences mean little when it comes to illness, hunger, and common decency to one another. 

2021 might be a harder year than 2020 was.  And 2022 does not promise to be a cake walk.  
But something started, really started last year and transitions are hard, facing truth and real justice will and is testing the resolve and integrity of everyone involved.  But from what I've seen The American people, that Native People, the people of the whole damned world have risen to the occasion. 
And even though we still have a long hill to climb, and a lot of old hardships to settle, just look at how far we've come.   Talk to some of the older generations, and ask them "did you ever think you'd see some of this in your life time?" Really ask them.  And don't be too surprised when the only response you get is watery eyes. 

Don't give up hope, it's been a rough ride and it's not going to get easier any time soon.
We still have a lot of big issues to address. 
Immigration,
making sure the justice system continues to reform it's self, 
And right now...
making sure India survives this Pandemic along with the rest of us.

But it will get better. 
It has gotten better. 
Maybe just a little, but a little is better than not at all.
And hopefully, by the end of the Decade....
MOON BASE!!
I chuckle as I type that, because a silly as it sounds that one little bit of hope keeps me going through all the everything else.

Stay Safe

What would you do?

It is the perfect spring day. 

The air is cool and clear with just the promise of rain and the smell of new life and growth is all around.  The sky and idyllic blue with wisps of cottony white clouds floating overhead.   
I'm there as an advisor.  
Meeting the local regiment commander as they roll out in a parade formation through the local neighborhoods to show off their new armaments and that they are maintaining order.  
They do not want to be seen as puppets, so before heading out I am given a uniform to blend in to the twenty or so other soldiers escorting the weapons platform through the residential streets. 
It seems showy and aggressive to me but my opinions on the matter have little bearing now that the deliveries have been made. 
We stop, the streets empty and looking of all intensive purposes like a west coast suburb right out of a 1950's television show. 
My interpreter turns to me "The Commander would like to know if you would only give one warning."  
As I look around, taking in the weather I say "Yeah." 
As I turn to look at the commander for clarification the blast of air caused by a truck mounted rocket platform hits me at the same time as the whistle of six of the things flying off in rapid succession towards an unknown target.  
I look at the Commander torn between disgust and battle ready hands reaching for a weapon that I wasn't issued before heading out. 
The explosions are close, very close.   Dirt and rocks rain down on us close and I duck into the alcove of a homes front door until it stops.  I and my interpreter jump into a pickup with the Commander and a couple of other soldiers as they head out to survey the damage.  

We drive less than two blocks, the distance further to the end of the streets than it was between launch and impact point. 
People are streaming from homes on the other side of the street to see what's going on.  Irritated and unarmed I look around to try and figure out what the target had been. As I'm doing this the Commander jumps back into the back of the pickup and they peel off leaving the Interpreter and I behind. 
there is a group of children between curious and scarred huddled together looking across the road.
A young person, dressed in layered clothes more suited to the wilderness than to suburban streets emerges from a house with what looks like a  potato gun in their hand.  I realize it's pointed at us and I dive to the side as it fires.  The blast fully catches the Interpreter.  Two more people come from the same house carrying similar devices and I scramble for cover behind a parked car as metal pings and pops off of it. 

I look back to see if the Interpreter is still alive to him shot point blank with one of these improvised weapons.  At the same moment a woman in a Bright, glossy, blue cocktail dress comes out wielding a small sub machine gun.   She opens fire at the three people in their wilderness clothes and hits one with a blast of fully automatic spray.   She's never fired in full automatic before and the gun kicks and bucks in her hand catching the kids in it's arc.   A young girl turns to me from the group, pocked with a series  of red dots from her face down to her legs.  She's trying to scream but there is not sound as she pitches forward onto the ground.  Behind her a forth kid, this one with an actual gun shoots the woman in the blue dress. 
The scrabble of footsteps coming around the truck pulls my attention the other direction and I barrel at the young kid with a weapon in their hand. 

As I examine the incident later I learn that the Commander was out to eliminate what they viewed as the enemy.   Three young radicalized people recently moved into the neighborhood, their homes having been recently destroyed by a military bombing campaign campaign.  The rockets had been meant for them but there had been a party taking place and the Commander had given the wrong firing orders while trying to prove he was in control of the area.
Instead they struck a party thinking it had been a recruiting effort by the insurgence. 
 The woman in the blue dress had been at the party.  The gun she had was her boyfriends, killed in the blast, that he kept in his car. 
The Commander fled as soon as the fighting started. 

Public reports were conflicting and both sides used it in their propaganda machine in the following weeks. 
 

This is a reoccurring dream I have.  
A cautionary tale that makes me question how I should have handled things differently. 
And an illustration of how these kinds of conflicts perpetuate. 

One of the several dreams that wake me regularly. 

Destined for the future

 Destiny Years 1, 2 and 6 

Destiny is an interesting game for me.  

And I refer to Destiny as one game even though there are technically two games and multiple expansions it has one continuous and progressive world.   The major events move in real time and the story continues to unfold over the years. The game play updates from release to release and fixes happen from week to week.  

But for me it's a bit more than that.   
When I play a game I like to roleplay and get into characters heads and explore the world as I think they would.  Sometimes this frustrates people that game with or join me on adventures because, especially on the first, second, and often third times through an area I move at almost a glacial crawl examining the scenery and getting a feel for the atmosphere, trying to learn as much about the world presented by the artists behind the game as I can from initial impressions.  

When I first started playing Destiny it was during The Taken King, invited by an old friend to join them and some of their gaming friends in going on the raids and large team events that the game offered.  
I played, mostly solo, through the major story events and worked to get weapons and armor to be able to run the team events I was asked to join in with.  

 I only made one character at the time, my attentions being divided between the multitudes of other games digital and physical I was in or hosting.   
I won't lie though, I was hooked.  I fell in love with the story, the world building, and the mystery of a far flung future trying to understand what happened to humanity before it collapsed into what it was. 

When Destiny 2 came out I pre-ordered it, convinced several friends to as well, and we worked our way through the year one content.   By this time my original character had made the jump from struggling fledgling to beefed out, done all the side quests, beaten all the bosses, collecting dust in the vault as two other characters from the other offered character classes were making their ways through the original story content so that I could refresh myself before the new game released. 

Destiny 2 year 1 was fun, many of my old 360 friends had made the move over to the PlayStation and we worked our way through the Year 1 content.  Excitedly theorizing over the story developments and what this meant or that meant.   While many of the people I had worked through the first Destiny content with I didn't game with anymore.   I'll be honest, most of them still played but as I played other more competitive games with with them between content drops I came to understand that most where from the toxic masculine side of the gaming world and I chose to play with a smaller group more invested in the story and character development than what the optimal load out for a specific mission might be. 

By the time Year 3 of the second game rolled out I was entirely a solo player, between distancing myself from the toxic players and events outside of the game distancing me from most of the people I played through the year one and two content with the haunted nature of the moon and it's story fit my mood almost too well.  

Now half way through year four, a years worth of content dropped between when my system went into storage on it's deathbed while I worked through some nightmarish times in my life to now.
My system pulled from storage, repaired by my own hands and running smoothly again.   I've spent the last couple of weeks "on vacation" so to speak and most of that vacation spent exploring the worlds and story of the Destiny universe. Both newcomer and grizzled veteran in the same breath. Solo, but meeting new adventuring companions and looking to see if any old friends still haunt the moon.

  

Meet the Characters
Since I do concoct and write elaborate back stories for characters in almost every roleplaying game I play let me introduce you to my fire team. 

The Warlock
"B" an exo.

Then
When first installing Destiny I didn't really know much of anything about the world of the game so I went through the character creation and took almost an hour developing "B"
In my original head cannon "B" was a Cybertronian, or quite literally Bumblebee from the Transformers franchise and in the first game where the Exo history was mostly shrouded in mystery I concluded that in this far flung future Cybertronians had so thoroughly integrated with humanity that their current evolution was the Exo.

Now
Especially since the revelations about Bray Tech and the origins of the Exo have been largely revealed and confirmed beyond snippets of Lore and Fan theory I've developed and actually started writing out "B"s in universe origins beyond "He's a Transformer" 
The short version is that he was one of the original Bray Tech scientists pioneering the Exo technology during humanities initial interactions with the Vex. After his conversion to Exo, and in memory of a child lost to an attack on Europa he adopted the moniker "Bumblebee"   Rather than adding a number to their name every time they were rebooted "B" would simply drop a letter from their name. 
"B" is the last reboot of this scientist turned warrior thought lost on earth during the collapse, an ancient toy sitting on the flight panel of their ship the only true reminder of the person they once were. 


The Titan
"Blue" 
In his former life Blue chose to help humanity rebuild and was killed during an expedition trying to salvage Golden Age tech when the Fallen slaughtered the entire expedition. 
As a Guardian Blue awoke and stumbled back into the safety of the last city still trying to figure out who he was.  He stopped in the market, lead by his ghost, to food and water.   A small child, giggled at his confusion when he saw a crucible match being broadcast at the little cafe.  
"You're precocious" He said to the little one as Lord Shaxx excitedly called out the play by play.
"You're blue."  the child said before turning back to their own meal.
After that Blue became a Crucible Champion between assisting other Guardians during the Taken Wars.

The Hunters
Ray and Violet

Ray
In, her former life was a born during the Dark Ages, Knowing  little more than a life of desperate struggle and bloody conflict.
As a Guardian she was pulled from the Siva infested wreckage of the Plaguelands by "B" and Blue.  The three fought back the infestation. 
Rey was one of the lost Guardians during the Red War.

Violet 
During the Red War there was a young Rangers working with Devrim and Hawthorn to get refugees to safe Havens outside of the city.  
Violet awoke in the Dark forest with B and Blue using light restored from a shard of the traveler battling back Taken.  Before the Ghost, as confused as the young ranger about how the Guardians hand their light restored and it was able to pull her from death when so many of its friends and their guardians had so recently fallen, could explain the young Hunter had snatched a sidearm from Blues belt and began fighting back along side the two.  
When the fighting stopped, the void energy still thrumming through her body, she looked down at her hands in confusion.  It was Blues gentle touch on her cheek that brought her back to the moment.
"You must be Violet." he said gently.
"...How do you know my name...?"
She trailed off as his hand touched a lock of her vivid hair then removed his helmet and touched his cheek and offered a kind smile. "I'm Blue."
"Am I..." She started. "A Guardian."  The ghost finished.

The shock on Devrims face when the three arrived at his checkpoint in pieces of scrounged together armor was was palatable. "How..." Devrim started.
"I'm Violet." She said forstalling him.
A look of sadness, joy, hope, and loss all tangled themselves on Devrims face before he nodded in acceptance.  
"Would you like a cup of Tea Guardian?"  He asked as the trio started repairs on their salvaged equipment.

The Nuts and Bolts

As I pick the game back up during Year 4 of Destiny 2...
or Year seven of the Destiny universe...
...or year 6 of my playing of the game... 
It's a very Vexian way of looking at a time line isn't it?

I lament many of the quests and missions, particularly the raids, that I missed out on since the new updates. 
I feel sorrow for the friendships that grew and crumbled over the course of the past six years.
But I find a strange comfort that "B" and their fire team have new places to explore.  That there are still other Guardians running around the universe in places new and old. 

Gameplay wise it continues to have smooth gunplay, satisfying power abilities, well maintained severs, and an active player base. 

Development wise it feels like in year four they've found a good balance between the "too short/small and story driven" content of year one and the "Story light repetitive grind" of much of the year two content."
I have not comparison of year 3 content as I missed much of it due to life and hardware failures on my end. 
But I'm enjoying the progression of the Beyond light Content especially since it's largely Exo centric and Even though the Season of the Champion content does fall back to something of a grind, (though not nearly as bad as the Black armory or Season of the Drifter) the way that it develops the story through dialogue and character interactions between, and more importantly, during the grind actually has me looking forward to replaying it with Blue and Violet once I've finished all of the main questlines with "B"  so that I can pick up on story pieces I missed on the initial run.  

As for the future of Destiny.  As I revisit and log into some of the other MMO's I've played over the years and see dead servers and empty friends list I can't help but feel that the Destiny community has something more to it than that.  
Even without going to forums, less than two weeks in and I've already met several other players who enjoy helping "new lights" as the free to play and brand new players are called, or are very welcoming to older players returning.  
Yeah, there's still a bit of toxic gaming in there...that's just a problem for the industry as a whole though...Largely though I think it comes from the care that the artists and developers put into the world and characters that they're building and that they actually engage and listen to the community at large has helped build that. 
I guess for me Destiny just scratches all the right itches, especially now. 
Deep expansive story, fast frenetic gameplay, or slow paced explorative wandering depending on the mood. 
I like it and if you're new to the game, or old and just need a reliable fire team member just send an invite.  

Eyes up Guardian. 
The future is bright

From the Mouths of Babes

Some times it takes time to sit back and look at what happened in the world in the past to better understand what's going on now. 

Being back where I am has me loookng at where I came from to better understand where I'm at. 

The thing that really got me over the past couple of days is that i've been playing Battlefield and letting the sound scapes and the situations take me back to earlier days.  

I was leading a squad and a young kid says "can I tell you a jke" to the squa at large.  "It's dark humor."  
That caught me a moment but people ome from dark places and sometimes humor grows from it.  "It's kind of racisist he ads."  

"I don't do racist humor."  I responded.
"Well it's dark, but a little racist." 
"Look, if it's a little racist it's still racist."  

And it got me thinking.   What makes dark humor legitimatly humerious?  
What makes any humor funny. 
When it's self depreciating.  
And that's the difference between meanness and humor.  
Meanness is trying to paint someone or something else in a bad light and finding the pain that it causes funny.  
Humor looks at an aspact of ourselves and brings it into the light for blunt examination. 

Dar humor isn't racist, or biggetist.  
Dark humor takes a thing from the darker parts of ourselves.   The dark aspects of our lives and talks about it.   
Dark humor makes people uncomfortable because not everyone has that kind of darkness in them.  
the darkness that comes from survivingg various types of trauma. 
Mean humor takes someone eleses trauma and treats it with disrespect.  

That's what i thought of while we continued running and gunning our way through the various theaters of WWII as presented in the game.  

It's a strange thing.  
I find myself quetioning why I play these games.   
The run and gun types.  

The only answer I have is...work. 
A way of having conversaations with myself, and when I find myself opening up enough to turn the mic on, with others about what the meanings behind the confilicts real and ficticious represented there in.   

I often look back at the decision in my life.  
Look at the decisions yet to be made and ask myself. 
"Can I live with it?" 
The thing is, no matter what ecisions one makes the answer is yes. 
I have to. 
The only thing that I can do when faced with such decisions is to try and make the most forward moving and try to leave something behind a little better than how I foudn it.   

The one thing that Ifind as I take away from the film Ijust, Judas and the Black Massiah,  watched that kind of goes along with the topic is a quote from Fred Hampton, which Ithinkg he got from Malcolm X . 
"War is politics with guns and politics is war without guns...."

We often want to paint the children fighting in the wars and given the guns as the terrorists or the bad guys...
I've never seen it that way. 
Not since Iwasa a child 
in a hundred armed people there might be one or two that are hell bent on causting destruction but most of the time the shooting starts because of someone making the decisions put people into those situations.
And most of the people doing the shooting are either doing what they're told or what they were taught. 

Dehuminizing....
That's the difference between dark humor and racist, or what ever ist, sort of "humor" one may use. 
One humanizes a dehumanizing moment while the other dehumanizes a human moment.

PtP

Stay safe out there. 

Steel Hearts and Electric Veins

I keep looking for ways to revitalize a nation fallen to hard times, deindustrialization, and the dark side of globalization.  

I wouldn't say that globalization is a bad thing, just the way it was gone about was very...wrong. 
As larger companies realized they could find cheaper labor over seas and American factories began to shut down, people began migrating into the larger city's and city centers.  
Leaving small towns and the older people that live in them to essentially die alone.  

As the Pandemic grinds on and these schisms in the fabric of the American culture widen and are shown how large they really are under the scabs that have grown over them in the last thirty or so years on thing keeps coming back to me.  

Remote work and the needs of a national works project.  

Setting aside the crimes against the labor forces that constructed the rail industry and the forced home relocations that came with the interstate system I feel like it has reached a point in our nations history to start another large scale project like that.  

There is nothing more healing to the mind and the body than finding a project to throw ones self into. After the loss of a family member or dear friend it is often finding new things to work on to reflect on how things have changed in our lives.  Sometimes the cause of the losses is because of drastic things and it is returning to something of a normal routine that returns stability a mind a heart at turmoil.


So how do we do this for a nation?  

We rebuild it.

From the ground up.  

For the past century America has gone around the world and attempted to help other, smaller nations, rebuild while our own nation falls into neglect and disrepair.  
I see it.  As someone that has worked in almost every sector of our economy.
From building homes to stocking shelves.
From laying streets to teaching children.

From serving tables to repairing sewer lines.  

I see it. 
Going from places that once were fresh and newly built to the veritable ghost towns  of neglect that they have become. 

I can't get this crazy idea out of my head.  
The one about rebuilding the railroads.  
To connect communities back together. 
To give a nation of people searching for meaning a common goal again.  

That's the funny part.   
When the nation was stitched together, for good or ill, with the steal of rail tracks it created something. 

That something was literally cemented together when the interstate system took the place of rails.  
But as that concrete based started to crack and crumble it was patched back together with asphalt.
Now those patches are starting stretch as the underlying problems beneath them continue to rot away. 

So what do we do?
How can we fix things? 

I say by running the rails again. 
Relaying the track.
By stitching the communities back together. 

There's no real need for taking new land for this project.   The old rail easements are still there.  Empty lots where the stations used to sit. Crumbling down towns full of empty store fronts like crowds holding it's breath waiting for the teams to enter the field. 

We start simply.  
We get the steel, sitting in junk yards and scrap yards and we recycle it.  
Into track and engine and cars. 
While the foundations are being formed we find the routs.  
Along old highways and forgotten lines. 
Through the hearts of small towns, stopping at reservations and parks. 
Transferring and stopping in cities. 
From there we gather the bottles and cans.
And spin it into the fibers needed for a digital foundation.  
Once the routs are found and all of the old steel and plastic and glass melted and reshaped 
We build. 
Rail lines to carry people on commutes from rule communities into the cities to work, trade, explore, and plan.  
To carry people from cities to rule communities to live and play. 
Fiber lines to keep communications fast and open so that those stuck at home through disease, handicap, age, or choice can work from where they live.
To create solid foundations for the digital age we find ourselves and help better study, teach, and stay in touch with the larger world. 
And carry the grid. 
The electrical grid that keeps all of the toys and tools and cars charged and ready to go. 

We build. 
And as the building draws to a conclusion we plan.  
For the repairs, for the upgrades, for the maintenance, and for the emergencies.  
Plan for the worst, hope for the best.   
Every step of the way rebuilding old industries in a modern age. 
Creating new industries to support and rebuild things from past ages.
And turning forgotten small towns into vibrant homes.
Crumbling cities into bastions of education. 
It's a lot of work.
And work that will help a nation heal after centuries of fighting with its self and act as an example as other nations build towards their futures. 
A solid partner to those nations that have built on their own foundations and continue to thrive.

And a sign of respect to the nations that were here before and hopefully will continue to be as the land and it's people begin to heal. 

Maximum Effort Minimum Pay

As the nation grapples with what a living wage should live like $15 an hour is the number that most people are shooting for.  

It's not an unreasonable wage considering the cost of living in most places in the America.  
Average apartment rent is $1500 a month, bills when factoring in phone and internet costs usually come out to $200 or more a month, groceries on average $300 a month.   And that does no factor in the costs of transportation, clothing costs, and other necessities that are required to get through the average month. 

So, if you figure that $2000 is the average cost of base living expenses and a $15 an hour minimum wage working 40 hours a week comes out to a grand total of $2400 a month or an income of $28,000 a year. 

Think about that $28,000 a year when your monthly costs average $2000 a year, leaves $8000 a year to cover other expenses such as child care, education, vehicle costs (which according to AAA is roughly 700 a month is insurance, fuel, and maintenance) then $28,000 a year just barely covers the costs of housing, food, and transportation for a single worker without dependence.

One of the big arguments that people have been throwing arounds that if $15 an hour became the new minimum then there would simply be a cutting back of jobs.   
To which I say fine. 
Let's look at this from a family stand point. 
Currently it takes two incomes bringing in over $50,000 a year to cover basic costs for themselves and a, singular, child.  That's still requiring both individuals to work full time or more at an average of $15 or more.  
Two full time workers at $15 an hour to raise a child and that doesn't even realistically cover the costs of child care for those parents to be able to work full time.   Usually for a family raising a child you need a singular income of $50,000 so that one person can work part time to cover child care and supplement their own time and energy to cover the costs. 

So, the argument is that there would be fewer jobs because of how expensive it would be to employee people at a $15 an hour minimum wage is arguably moot.   

From the less jobs stand point most people living or working on minimum wage are having to piece  together two or three jobs plus side gigs just to pay the bills.  If they only had to work one job and be able to pay the bills I don't think they'll complain too much about one of their three jobs not being there anymore. 
Let alone those living on fixed incomes needing to continue to work  would be able to work less in order to maintain basic standards of living and better address the issues that have them living on a fixed income to begin with. .

From the stand point of small business, yes, there would be what would feel like an exponential rise in the operating costs of employees.  However, if small businesses were offered tax incentives for maintaining employees rather than being charged to have employees there could be some work arounds done. 

I'd also argue that small business employment could be a supplemented by unemployment programs through application to a program similar to the PPP program used during the pandemic. So that if a small business (10 or fewer employees) is unable to cover the cost of those employees after all of the over head is paid. ( or maximum of $280,000 + operating costs) then the salary of those employees could be supplemented through unemployment benefits and allowing the small business the ability to get through applicable financial hardships like pandemics, catastrophes, or dissolvements but protect the employees incomes for the work they are doing.  

The other thing that people don't consider about minimum wage work is that if minimum wage were in fact livable many of the tax supplemented low income programs would see a huge drop in need and operating costs. 

Raising the minimum wage isn't an argument of how it will impact a flagging economy.  Raising the minimum wage is a reflection of the  rise in costs and life with dignity.   
The short of it is, if the minimum standard of working is not capable of offering a worker to to do with dignity then is it really a standard at all? 

News to Me

One of the things that has had a very bumpy ride into the digital age is the news.  
News papers fail to get support as people move to online sources like twitter.  Ads and subscriptions put things behind paywalls that many people choose not to scale in favor of sticking to the "sources" on platforms like Facebook.  

About the only news source that hasn't changed much is the public news sources.  

As part of my work and research over the years following the news across multiple platforms and checking in with multiple sources has not just been a practice, but has been required because of the mixture of editorial and commentary being billed as news.  

Which brings me back to the pay wall.  
The best news is often behind a subscription and arguably it should be part of platforms financial distributions.   

Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, google, etc.  disseminate a lot of news and are the platforms that many people turn to.  Twitter is a bit different because many of the reporters and editors are on the platform as part of their every day already.    

Independent news has been demonized as fake news by sources that are backed and steered by political parties.
Because of the way that State News sources have been turned into propaganda machines by governments that would use the news as a way of controlling the populace.  

The only news, at least in the U.S. that has stayed both objective and solid is Public Broadcasting.   PBS and NPR.  Once these two sources of news were funded by tax grants and revenue and then supplemented by donations and things.   But during the early 2000's they were defunded, largely because many of the people in political authority viewed objective and educational news and entertainment that refused to be swayed by political hierarchies didn't need to be receiving funds.  

Luckily they have received a lot of support from independent donors and their broadcasts have become like the radio shows of old where the commercials of corporate donors play as part of the broadcast.   

Though, unlike many other news sources one of the things they always state when talking about a company or individual that donates large sums of money to them is that they note it in the article or news story.   And, again, thank the powers that be for Public broadcastings and Public Radios unwavering journalistic integrity over the past 20 years, they still pull no punches regardless of the size of donor. 

"We'll take your money and we'll use it to do the news but that doesn't buy you fluff and nutter reporting when you or your company get  up to shenanigan's."  Is not what they say but it's good and damn well implied. 
The only downside to this is that these are national news aggregates, NPR and PBS, which makes it difficult for local news to be disseminated in such a way as news papers slowly fade and local news fights for recognition as streaming and national sources start to interject.  

NPR One though.   

Yeah, I admit I'm a public broadcasting fanboy, but the model is solid.  

Through the app you get all of the national news and podcasts and then select your local station to get the local broadcasts. 
But funding. 
Nationally they're pretty well funded because of the big donors and the local stations paying in to the kiddy to be able to broadcasts but getting the local news the funding it needs to shine lights is the issue that we need to work out.

So...
I say, as I work on a tax restructuring plan to be proposed on a national, and then world, scale is this.  Fund them, out of the taxes.  Fully recognize them as the fourth estate in the government. 
 
The  Legislative Branch is responsible for writing laws
The Executive Branch is responsible for enacting laws
The Judicial for reviewing and Evaluating.  

The News and Media is, in modern democracy, already recognized as the "disseminators of the actions and information's of the other three.  
Why not make it official.  
Make sure they're funded, almost like a military branch.
Or exactly like a military branch.  
Formally charged with the responsibility of investigating and consolidating issues, laws, and happenings with the highest standards of journalistic integrity and without the push and pull of political bandying.   
CSPAN was a good start, cameras in the rooms where laws and things are being debated.   But many people working and doing all of the things required of life can't keep up with everything that goes on.  
So, tax subsidized Associated Press offices at a State Level and communities and counties with populations of 20,000 or more be assigned an Associated Press office with the responsibility of compiling a weekly, physical news paper of events to be delivered by mail.  
Ahhh, the idea has merit and I think I've already written about this before

But the break down would work about like this. 
   $100,000 annual budget and 2 editor/reporters
per 20,000 citizens.  

So, roughly $5 a year per citizen in a community.

i.e. 100,000 citizens would be a $1,000,000 annual budget and 10 person staff and then they become, essentially a wing of the existing public broadcasting structure

Their task would be to curate 

A daily news letter with local events and government meetings and public works projects 
 A weekly summery of the government actions and funding decisions.
A monthly report on community services, need to know contact and summery of those services, and available grant/scholarships/tax incentives/subsidies programs.

To be made available digitally through text that can be printed from the website.
Audio versions
And mailed to those that wish to opt in for a daily, weekly, or monthly paper. 

All hiring, coordination, and supplemental historical articles for the paper managed by the Library of Congress and local historical societies.  
It's a dream. 

But I like it. 

A lot of this comes on the back of the pandemic. 
Finding ways to get reliable information about the vaccines and emergency situations taking place. 
Making sure there is a news source just reporting the facts as well as making sure that people have concrete information on what to do, where to go, and who to talk to when things like this are happening. 

Like I said, it's all part of a larger tax plan.  
Shoot, let me be honest. 
I'm trying to rebuild our nation from the ground up and find some way of balancing a capitalist free market with a government structure that will keep our basic infrastructure needs like emergency services, utilities, and communications on rock solid foundations.
Trying to work out the logistics of what a truly balanced employment and housing situations look like.

A nation that provides opportunity for those that can and will work for it while providing safety and security to those that can not.
A representative democracy where there is Truth and Justice for all.  

We're getting there. 
We're closer than we were when the nation was founded to get away from imperialism in 1776. 
Closer than we were when Slavery was outlawed in 1865

Closer than we were at the beginning of the civil rights era in 1964

So my question is, how close can we be by 2063? 
How can we steer and shape our nation to more resemble the ideals it was founded on?