It's been quite some time since I've posted a journal entry, though don't think I haven't been writing.
Oh no, I've been on the East Coast running around, being a general pain in the ass to people. Trying, and failing, to break down the doors to the places I was hoping to find employment.
Part of it, I think, is that I was not looking at the world the way that I was expected to look at it.
The other part is that I have refused to compromise my own research and development of myself. Which, when trying to become a part of an established place and culture can either be detrimental or a boon.
In my case, it seems is detrimental.
The reason I say that is because there have been no calls, or e-mails, or "knocks on the door" with contract or job offers.
No one saying "we've heard about you work, here is an opportunity to continue it."
No investors looking at the business outlines and saying "That is remarkable, here is all the money, we can't wait to see your idea grow into a profitable venture."
No schools saying "We want you to join our faculty." or even "We would love for you to attend our University."
No movie companies or television channels saying "That's remarkable, we want to put that into production."
No.
It was silence.
Skeptical looks.
Spam e-mails for more and more online applications.
You know, I'm not really someone that is shy about sharing information. Not someone opposed to inputting my personal data for the sake of finding work or furthering my academic research. No I am not. But when you have to input the same information. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
No investors looking at the business outlines and saying "That is remarkable, here is all the money, we can't wait to see your idea grow into a profitable venture."
No schools saying "We want you to join our faculty." or even "We would love for you to attend our University."
No movie companies or television channels saying "That's remarkable, we want to put that into production."
No.
It was silence.
Skeptical looks.
Spam e-mails for more and more online applications.
You know, I'm not really someone that is shy about sharing information. Not someone opposed to inputting my personal data for the sake of finding work or furthering my academic research. No I am not. But when you have to input the same information. Over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
Across a hundred different websites.
Multiple job sites.
Multiple companies databases.
At the end of the day with no work that offers a viable pay rate to benefits structure to be able to:
A. Meet basic housing requirements
B. Cover Health costs.
C. Afford insurance for home and belongings.
D. Afford safe and reliable transportation costs for the place and region you are in.
D. Afford safe and reliable transportation costs for the place and region you are in.
-Either have environmentally friendly / clean and reliable public transport for commuters.
-Or offer a pay structure that allows for a realistic safe / environmentally friendly personal transport option.
-Or have its own shuttle service
E. Allow enough down time for personal, mental, and physical health
F. Is not ran by some cockamamie multi million/billion dollar corporation that has enough human/civil rights/environmental crimes under it's belt that it would put some dictatorships to shame.
G. If you have children or a family having pay/work flexibility enough to address the needs of said child/children
A person like myself and/or people with less opportunity or stability in their lives find it hard not to just throw in the towel and wander off into the woods.
So, here I am, back to square one. Trying to get the motivation to go down the street and see if one of these cockamamie corporations is hiring. Because, it being Labor Day, Every goddamn thing else is closed that's not part of the service industry. And, even if the business is open their H.R. department isn't going to be in because it's bloody Labor Day.
Yay, a holiday that is supposed to celebrate the worker and the workers with the least opportunity and pay are supporting those with mores ability to take the time off.
Fuck You.
And here I am, still writing and working for free.
Still looking for a job that fulfills my soul, pays enough for me to live a healthy and happy life, and maybe some day support a family. Hell, even if it's not my own children I would still like to be able to support a family. Even if it is a blind donation to someone I don't know so that they can have the time and space they need to grow and find their own path through life.
That's me in a nutshell.
That's what I discovered about myself over these past few months.
That I'm a writer, a researcher, an artists, and an educator.
E. Allow enough down time for personal, mental, and physical health
F. Is not ran by some cockamamie multi million/billion dollar corporation that has enough human/civil rights/environmental crimes under it's belt that it would put some dictatorships to shame.
G. If you have children or a family having pay/work flexibility enough to address the needs of said child/children
A person like myself and/or people with less opportunity or stability in their lives find it hard not to just throw in the towel and wander off into the woods.
So, here I am, back to square one. Trying to get the motivation to go down the street and see if one of these cockamamie corporations is hiring. Because, it being Labor Day, Every goddamn thing else is closed that's not part of the service industry. And, even if the business is open their H.R. department isn't going to be in because it's bloody Labor Day.
Yay, a holiday that is supposed to celebrate the worker and the workers with the least opportunity and pay are supporting those with mores ability to take the time off.
Fuck You.
And here I am, still writing and working for free.
Still looking for a job that fulfills my soul, pays enough for me to live a healthy and happy life, and maybe some day support a family. Hell, even if it's not my own children I would still like to be able to support a family. Even if it is a blind donation to someone I don't know so that they can have the time and space they need to grow and find their own path through life.
That's me in a nutshell.
That's what I discovered about myself over these past few months.
That I'm a writer, a researcher, an artists, and an educator.
I am someone who has been largely self taught, motivated, and sought out the greatest teachers my funds and location would allow for the tasks and subjects I have been learning about.
But, aside from the people I've experienced these things with and my own journals, recollections, and, writings I have no academic legs to hold these things up with.
I'm going back to apply for the grind.
I'm going back to apply for the grind.
Going back to find work, though in the larger picture a worth while endeavor, but for me another distraction from the larger goals.
Then, once secured, getting those damned academic legs under me so that my research will be taken seriously.
But hey, there's still four more months until the larger parties figure out their primaries.
Still four more months for me to stabilize my finances, find a place to live, maybe get some of this writing and research I've been working on published. Then come January see if this crazy cat can run with the big dogs.
Then, once secured, getting those damned academic legs under me so that my research will be taken seriously.
But hey, there's still four more months until the larger parties figure out their primaries.
Still four more months for me to stabilize my finances, find a place to live, maybe get some of this writing and research I've been working on published. Then come January see if this crazy cat can run with the big dogs.
We'll see though.
Until Then.
Stay Safe out there.
Until Then.
Stay Safe out there.
