So
Russia.
Ukraine.
My position.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
― The Art of War
Vlad.
Forgive the familiarity.
But I see you.
Have you ever heard the tale of Beowulf?
See.
I Know how Russian history was kept.
I learned the technique myself.
It's a memory trick.
Much the same as an actor uses to memorize their lines.
Except for the old Russian historians?
They were livings texts.
Entire histories of events, people, places, stories, legends.
The entire Russian history was spoken.
So when the Russian people starved.
They didn't just lose their loved ones.
They lost their culture, their history, their identity.
So imagine being a young Russina man.
Living that history.
Living through the starvations.
Living through the austerity.
Living through harsh Russian winters.
Then the Americans promise grocery stores and the stars.
But instead you get Levi's and Michael Jackson tapes.
So, as sanctions tighten.
So do belts.
As desperation set's in.
So do compromises.
To your morals.
To your Ethics.
But still fighting to feed the people.
I've argued with people from around the world over this point when the initial Ukrainian invasion happened.
I said it was so you could secure fishing and trade lanes to operate freely within the region and not have to rely on outside trade to keep Russia stable.
Some claim you're a madman on a murderous rampage.
Me.
I'm hoping it's the former and not the latter.
So here's the deal.
I want to send the bombs to the moon.
All of em man.
Mine, yours, everybodies.
The people of China aren't going to make a move until we settle things.
So tell me what you need.
Not what you want.
What you need.
What your people need.
My offer in exchange for sending all those fucking things to the moon is, well, a seat at the table.
It's all I can offer.
A friend asked me a long time ago "What do you bring to the table." and I said "I bring the table."
He didn't like that answer.
However, as I filled his glass and offered him a plate?
He still didn't agree on my answer but he thought about it.
To get there?
We draw up the agreement.
"The Moon Shot" agreement.
drop all that nuclear material on the moon to be used for power plants and anything else we need to make one big ass telescope and a new international station.
On the moon.
And when we do it maybe make one or two of those fucking things pop out in space for the hell of it.
Because 'murica
(que eagle screech)
Assuming the scientist give us the green light that we won't be leaving a radiation cloud that's going to contaminate the atmosphere or some other ecological disaster.
So.
We draw up the paper work.
Make sure there will always be food and medical aid available to your people.
And that your People have access to trade lanes and agricultural lands so they can maintain self sufficiency.
We'll meet in Washington.
You bring the Vodka I'll bring the Cigars.
We'll drink and smoke while our people make sure it's all on the up and up.
Not shady clauses or bullshit.
Hell, I want to try to get the whole thing on a single piece of paper.
In triplicate.
In Russian, English, and Lantin.
We'll have the North Korean government and the French Governments verify the documents.
We'll sign it.
Oh yeah.
The fun part.
Bring an Axe.
After we sign.
I want you to bury that motherfucker in whatever desk is in the Oval office when we get there.
Split that goddamn thing in half if you can.
Then we'll go back to our respective jobs.
I'll invite all the other world leaders to bring their axes (or appropriate wood cutting implement) to sign the papers and leave their mark.
Then when everybody's' signed I'll put a Marines saber in the chair and turn the whole white house over to the National Archives so it can be made into a museum.
Apologies to the American People.
But I just don't think it's appropriate that one of the seats of world power sits in a plantation house.
I'm hoping they'll let me move it to Kansas City.
It's in the middle of the country, borders two states and has all the infrastructure needed.
And by doing that it frees up DC to become it's own state.
The argument there has always been "well they don't need to be a state because the white house is there."
But all that isn't my call.
That's up to Congress and the voters.
Letting you into the oval office with an axe and a bottle of vodka, then offering you a cigar is my decision.
Just to warn you though man, those cigars will be marijuana.
It's a religious thing.
I can tell you about it while we wait if you'd like but I don't really publicize it.
And hopefully.
Before you or I die.
We see a flag from every nation of the world on the moon, right next to the foot prints of the people that carried them there.
So Ukraine
Not going to stop supporting them with Humanitarian aid.
That's where I draw the line.
I'll leave it to the UN for final judgments on borders and particulars of what trade lanes and to lift sanctions.
But no one will stop me from feeding hungry people and getting medicine to the sick.
Please don't test me on that point.
Balls in your court.
I hope it's a fancy axe.
