Alright.
Now is the time to turn back if you're easily triggered.
Hell, might be time to turn back even if you aren't.
But without the context all of the other things I talk about just makes me look like another ass hole trying to swing his dick around.
So.
Let's talk about.
Why I'm so good at identifying predators.
Why I could never be Chris Hanson.
Why I couldn't stay that calm in that kind of a situation.
Look.
I laugh about a lot of dark stuff.
Make some really dark jokes sometimes.
I kind of have to.
Because if I don't laugh.
That "Remington Retirement Plan" is awfully fucking tempting.
Comedians am I right?
So I'm going to just...rip the band-aid off.
Imagine You're.... I don't even know how old.
Trauma is funny that way.
A child.
Sitting in the shower.
Watching blood leaking from between your legs wondering if you're really alive or just a ghost haunting the bathroom.
Imagine the doctor says you have impacted stools and doesn't understand why you're constipated so regularly.
Imagine you hide under the bed and are dragged from under it.
Literal gun to your head.
Is it loaded?
Doesn't' matter, you're from a hunting family and you know what those things do.
"You know we kill faggots around here. If you tell anyone they'll kill you. If you don't do what I say I'll kill you."
Imagine the next time you go to hide under the bed it's all blocked off by boxes.
You hide in the closet.
You're dragged out again.
Next time.
Full of boxes.
Now imagine you're a counselor sitting across from a tiny child that looks at you with the hard eyes of a killer and trying to figure out what would make such a tiny thing into such a scary little monster.
That was my child hood.
Why as a teenager I searched for answers from any and all religions.
Until someone, someone that had the same soft sad eyes that looked at me from the mirror.
The first person to actually see me.
Not the scary little monster.
Not the retarded kid that was "good at math and reading"
Not the show dog pranced in-front of the cameras.
Just a kid obsessed with learning and the stars, nose in a book, wishing the fantasies were the real world.
They taught me how to pronounce the words I'd only read in books before.
Never been able or allowed to say out loud.
My best friend.
Maybe the only true friend I've ever really had.
I miss them so much.
And if/when I ever see them again all I want to do is be able to say.
"You saved my life."
You want to know about my 20's were like.
Go watch the Salton Sea, 2002, with Val Kilmer
And you'll have something of an idea.
Much less Hollywood though.
Much less closure.
That's all for tonight, all I can handle right now.
I need to go look at the stars for a bit and try to find some sort of reason for living through that.
Oh yeah.
Just for the record.
Fuck Ice.
In one of those If/When situations that I end up president I'll be shutting that organization down and banning anyone from it from federal or law enforcement for life.
Sorry if you're "one of the good ones."
But a few bad apples tends to rot the whole barrel if they aren't fed to the horses first.
That's just my opinion.
Formed by a life time of learning.
So yeah...
Did I tell you about Disney World?
Stay Safe.
